#Hayden swears a lot

[tbyfandoms]

Heart to Heart | Clay Beresford x Reader

Pairing: clay beresford x f!doctor!reader

Word Count: 16.2k

Summary: after crossing paths and connecting with new york’s most well known businessman, you end up in a whirlwind situation that’ll change your life forever

Warnings: reader is a heart transplant recipient, descriptions of heart transplant procedures and the healing process, mentions of overdosing and death of a mother, mild swearing

Masterlist/Request Form | Ask/Tell/Request

A/N: clay beresford, my angel bb! I was literally so excited when I got this request. I’m so absolutely obsessed with the awake movie and I think hayden did such a good job as clay. I literally need all the content for my little nyc golden retriever lmao! I really like how this turned out and I hope ya’ll do too. thank you sm to the person who requested this! enjoy and lmk what you think <3

Sterile.

That’s the only word you can ever come up with to describe the feeling of walking into the hospital each day. The white tiles, the bright lights, the almost burning scent of alcohol; it’s all so much to take in but somehow it also gives you a sense of peace.

Every time you come in through those doors it’s like a fresh start. No matter what happened the day before, no matter the heartbreaks or victories, the moment you step inside it’s another chance at new opportunities. It’s one of the reasons you love working here so much, love doing what you do. There are a lot of uncertainties in your line of work, but there are some risks worth taking.

Rounding the corner you start going over what you need to do today. Residency has been a whirlwind of an experience and every day is different from the last, but over the past few months since you’ve been at this hospital, you’ve started to get somewhat of a routine down. At least when you start your day it’s kind of the same every time, giving you a moment of normalcy until the real fun begins.

Changing into your scrubs in the locker room, you nearly jump as one of your coworkers, Jill, comes up beside you.

“Hey!” She squeaks, a gleam in her eyes you know all too well. She’s definitely up to something.

“Jesus, stop doing that to me! You’re gonna kill me one of these days,” you grumble. Shutting your locker you sit on the bench to change into your comfortable work shoes. They’re not the prettiest but they do wonders for your back and feet during these long shifts you endure.

“Sorry! But you’ll never guess who I just saw walk in with Dr. Harper.”

“Who?” You inquire—Jill’s giddy smile and shifty eyes beginning to freak you out.

“Clay Beresford,” she whispers, moving closer to you on the bench to ensure no one else can hear. Not like anyone would considering the two of you are the only people in the locker room.

“Really?” The name isn’t at all unfamiliar. If you live in this city, you know who Clay Beresford is, or his name at the very least. The man owns half the city at this point, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he owned all of it by the time he hit 30. All inherited from his father and even from his own doing too. You’ve seen a bit about him here and there in the papers and on the news. It surprises you how young he is and yet he’s already accomplished so much. It’s inspiring to put it plainly, especially considering how much good he’s done for the underprivileged.

It doesn’t surprise you Jill’s seen Clay here. When you started working at this hospital the gossip was everywhere. You couldn’t chat with a coworker without Clay Beresford being brought up. Apparently he has a bad heart and suffered a massive heart attack not long before you started. It was clear to you then that he didn’t have much time left without a transplant, and that was a while ago. You’re surprised he hasn’t been able to receive one yet considering his status, but amongst the whispers you were able to piece together that his blood type is rare and thus the transplant waiting game began. You’re unfortunately more familiar with that game than you’d like to be—having had your own heart transplant just a few short years ago.

No pun intended but your heart aches for Clay. You know that fear and anxiety he must be facing isn’t easy. The wait for a transplant is brutal enough as it is, but dealing with that is only half the battle. The road to recovery is a long and painful one and you just hope he has the support he’ll need once he does have the surgery. You’re not sure why your mind wanders to thoughts like that when you think of Clay, maybe it’s the transplant sympathizer in you, but there’s also just a part of you that feels like the Beresford heir is so much more than the media and other people make him out to be.

It’s sad, really, when you think about it. In reality Clay’s just like any other person trying to keep on living and get healthy, yet he’s talked about around the hospital as if HIPPA doesn’t exist. Sure he has money and power—as much as a man in New York could have—but that doesn’t change the fact he’s just a 20-something year old guy fighting for his life. You just wish more people saw it that way and wished him well instead of questioning what’s gonna happen to his company if he doesn’t make it out alive.

“-and I mean ohmygod I only saw him for a split second but I swear he is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” So lost in your own thoughts, you hadn’t even realized Jill has been going off on a tangent about her encounter with Clay.

“Wait, so did you talk to him?” Your eyebrows knit together as you look over at your friend, suddenly needing her to go back several steps in her story.

“No, I told you when I saw him walking down the hall with Dr. Harper I said hello to Doctor and that was it. I couldn’t exactly blurt out Clay’s name like I knew him. If I had I mean hello, stalker much?” You try to bite back your smirk, wanting to tell her that’s exactly what this whole conversation paints her out to be, but you let it go. Jill is always one for the dramatics. “But I did look at him as I was passing by and he smiled at me and nodded and honestly after that I’d say I’m pretty content with life now.”

Giggling, you shake your head. “You’re somethin’ else you know that, Jill?”

“Awh, c’mon! You can’t tell me you wouldn’t just die to have a conversation with Clay Beresford,” Jill teases, poking you softly in the side to try and egg you on. You swat her hand away playfully and roll your eyes.

“It’s not like he’s royalty. Sure he’s attractive and rich but so are a lot of men, some not so favorable.”

“Okay but he might as well be! He’s about as close as you can get to royalty in New York! And that’s the point, he’s not part of those not so favorable men. He seems like a really great guy! I know you think so too, I’ve heard your thoughts on him before. It’s good to have guys like him having a hand in what goes on in this city. God knows we need the help.”

“You got all of that out of a smile and a nod?” This time it’s Jill’s turn to roll her eyes and the two of you laugh lightly as you get up from your spots on the bench.

“Whatever, I’m just saying! You’ll understand where I’m coming from when you meet him in person.”

Reaching for the door handle you look back at Jill. “I doubt that’ll ever happen. I can’t think of one instance where he and I will ever end up in the same room together.”

“It’s possible, I mean look at me! I was just walking down the hall ready to come get you and there he was in all his glory,” she smiles. “I’m honestly surprised you haven’t run into him yet considering all the times he’s here. I know he’s always with Harper when he is here and you’re not usually on his service, but still. I’m also surprised Harper hasn’t introduced the two of you considering your history. You could probably give Clay some tips, you know.”

Turning the thought over in your head you realize that’s not actually a bad observation or idea. “You know you’re actually right. I do have first hand experience with that stuff…but I mean so does Dr. Harper. Sure he’s never experienced a transplant personally but he’s performed them countless times. He probably knows better than me everything that goes along with getting a new heart. I’m just a resident, what could I really help Clay with?”

Jill hums, a sign that means she’s not giving up. “There’s nothing better than talking to someone who’s actually gone through what they have. Respectfully, Dr. Harper can tell Clay all he wants about the process but you’ve actually lived it. I’m just saying it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you happened across him and were able to at least ease his mind if nothing else. Transplants are scary and dangerous, especially heart ones, but you’re proof they actually work and that he has a fighting chance.”

Glancing at your coworker you can see it in her eyes she’s being sincere. Sure Jill likes to joke a lot and is more unserious than not half the time, but she does have her moments and you’ve certainly found yourself in one. It warms your heart that she actually thinks you could be of any help to fellow transplant recipients, even if this whole conversation only started because of the fact she’s attracted to a patient.

“Thanks, Jill. Look I promise if I happen to see Clay Beresford I’ll make sure to give him all my expert advice on dealing with a heart transplant.” Saying it out loud kind of sounds ridiculous to you, still not believing the idea you’d ever even have a chance to talk to the businessman. But it seems to be enough for the woman beside you because in an instant she’s excitedly clapping her hands.

“Goodie! Now, let’s get serious.” Grabbing onto your arm as the two of you continue walking, she leans her head closer to yours—reminding you of when you were both in the locker room. “Do you think Clay has a girlfriend?”

And she’s back.

*****

After parting ways with Jill, you find yourself wandering the halls. A patient had asked you for directions and you took it upon yourself to just lead them to where they needed to go, finding it much easier to do instead of trying to explain it. Sometimes you swear you still get lost around here too.

You’ve ended up a long ways away from where you need to be so you’re quickly trying to find the easiest way back. You don’t have much to do right now but you’d still rather be closer to your assigned doctor for the day in case something comes up. Anything can happen and you want to be accessible if help is needed. You’re eager to learn any and all new skills whenever you can, plus you have a feeling it helps when doctors are deciding who gets to join in on surgeries, which—if you’re being honest—is the goal.

Turning the corner, you cut through the hallway where some of the operating rooms are. You’ve found yourself here countless of times in the past few months, either helping out with low-risk surgeries or merely observing. It gives you a rush in the moment, makes your heart beat a little faster, and although you know super high stress and a rapid heartbeat isn’t the best for you and your condition—it makes you feel alive. The rush and the heavy thumps of your heart remind you of all you’ve been through, all you’ve survived, and it makes you even more grateful to still be here. Grateful to still be able to go out there and help people just like you’ve always wanted.

Smiling at the thought, you quicken your steps, eager to get back to work and see what the day has in store for you. Though before you get much further, you look off to the side and see a doctor rapidly approaching you. It’s Dr. Puttnam, one of the doctors that works closely with Dr. Harper.

You’ve worked on his service a few times before but each time you were itching to get away. There’s just something about him you find a little off. Part of it is probably the way he so easily cracks jokes in the operating room while cutting open a patient and how he seems so cocky with everything he does. It’s like there’s this missing piece of humanity in him, he gives you the impression he only cares about himself and you constantly find yourself wanting to roll your eyes in his presence. You and Jill have talked about him before and she feels the same way you do—if not stronger. The two of you always tease each other when one of you unfortunately gets put on his service, and as he approaches you you pray he’s not here to tell you today’s one of those instances. That’d really put a damper on your mood right now.

“Y/N! Glad to run into you. Hey, do me a favor and let Dr. Harper know to saddle up. Riordan’s cabbage is in the ICU bleedin’. He took off for the fuckin’ vineyard so we gotta get in there. Harper’s supposedly in one of the operating rooms so just find him and let him know I’ll be waiting, thanks!”

You don’t even get a chance to respond because in an instant he’s back to rushing down the hallway. See this is exactly why you don’t like him. Who talks like that about another patient? It’s like taking care of people is a chore for him…as if it’s not his job.

Ugh.

Trying to not let it get to you, you take a peek in the operating room closest to you. You can see Dr. Harper through the window and can tell he’s talking to someone but you can’t see who it is. You’re pretty sure he didn’t have any surgeries this morning so you’re confused on why he’s even inside. You shrug and push on the door, feeling the weight of it as it slides open.

When you walk in you catch the tail-end of Harper’s conversation. “You might not have much of it left, okay?”

Your eyes cut from the doctor to the figure that moves on the operating table. As you step further into the room you nearly trip over your feet as you stop dead in your tracks. Laying on the operating table, forearms holding up the top half of his body, and staring straight at you, is Clay Beresford himself.

Oh my god?

For some reason you figured Clay would’ve been gone by now. Sure you knew he was with Dr. Harper, but considering his job you just assumed it’d be quick. You never thought in a million years you’d walk in on him laying on an operating table fully clothed and apparently discussing something serious with Dr. Harper. It’s strange but you’re also intrigued.

“Ah, Miss Y/L/N! How can I help you?” Harper’s voice breaks you out of your trance and you pray the heat you feel flush through your body isn’t visible as you finally look away from the blonde just a few feet in front of you.

“Dr. Harper, I-I’m sorry to interrupt! I didn’t know you were with a…” Words fail you as your eyes flit to Clay once again, taking note of the soft smile adorned on his face. Finally the word you’re looking for comes to mind and you shift your focus back onto Harper. “Patient.”

“It’s quite alright, we were just finishing up.” Harper turns to Clay and from the tone of his voice and look on his face, you get the feeling you actually were interrupting. “Was there something you needed, Y/N?”

Before you can dive too deep into the possibilities of what it is Dr. Harper was talking to Clay about, you remind yourself of the actual reason you walked in here. “Yes! Sorry! Dr. Puttnam stopped me in the hall and told me there’s a bit of a-uh emergency?” Going over Puttnam’s words in your head you try to piece together a more respectful version of them. “Dr. Riordan’s patient is apparently bleeding out and he’s away on vacation so Dr. Puttnam said it’s up to the both of you to treat the patient now. It seemed urgent and he said he wants you to meet up with him in the ICU right away.”

A flash of shock crosses Dr. Harper’s face as he takes in your words and you can see him start to revert to hyperdrive-as most doctors do with news like this. “Oh I see, alright, thank you for letting me know.”

Harper places a hand on Clay’s shoulder and you take this moment to do a once over of the businessman as his attention is being drawn elsewhere. He’s wearing a grey suit that is of course fitted to perfection and he’s got some leather shoes (that you’re sure are worth more than your rent) to match.

It’s funny, you would think that considering his well-kept appearance and cookie cutter styling, the Beresford heir would be oozing the feeling of wealth and prestige. But instead all you see as you look at him sat on that operating table, looking up into the serious eyes of his doctor, is apprehension and uncertainty wrapped up in expensive packaging.

Clay may have practically all the money in the world and an empire of a business backing him, but it’s clear in the unspoken message passing between him and Dr. Harper that there’s a lot more involved than what the public knows. It’s apparent to you, just like you thought earlier, that there’s more to Clay Beresford than just his money and pretty face, that he too has things—people—he’s scared of losing.

You can’t help the downward dip in the corner of your lips as you think about it all, as you think about how you were in his exact same position not that long ago.

“I have to go,” Harper says as he steps away from Clay, but suddenly he stops and you watch as his gaze flutters back and forth between you and the blonde. A thought seems to occur to him and you swear you can see a smile start to form on his face. “I’m sorry, I completely forgot you two have never met before. I don’t know why I didn’t think to introduce you sooner. Y/N, this is Clay, he’s a patient of mine that’s awaiting a heart transplant. Clay, this is Y/N, she’s a resident here and is actually a heart transplant recipient herself.”

Now it’s your turn to be shocked. Where is Jill and how in the hell did she speak this into existence?

Before you get the chance to actually process the fact you’re being personally introduced to Clay, you watch as the man of the hour sticks out his hand for you to shake. You take a step forward and grasp it in your own, giving his hand a light shake as he nods his head and smiles up at you from his seat on the table.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N,” he says.

“You as well, Clay.” A beat passes between the two of you just looking at each other and it’s in this instance you notice how blue Clay’s eyes are. They’re pale blue—like the sky—and you find yourself hoping that a cloud never passes through them.

God, get it together, Y/N.

Letting go of Clay’s hand, you take a step back and put some distance between you. The pictures of him on the news and in the paper so do not do him justice. You take a second to remind yourself Clay’s still a patient of this hospital and, yeah, you’re still an employee of it too. Oops?

“Remember what I said, Clay. No regrets. The clock’s ticking,” Harper says as he walks backwards towards the door. As he faces forward and grabs onto the handle, he stops and turns towards you both again. “You know, Y/N, while you’re here maybe you can give Clay a little advice and insight on the importance and weight of this surgery? Have a little…heart to heart, if you will.”

The doctor smiles at you both before he disappears through the door, leaving you and Clay alone in the operating room.

As the door softly closes, you swear you could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows. For being a bustling hospital it sure is quiet out there…

“So, you’re a heart transplant recipient?” Clay breaks the silence first and you’re grateful for it. You’re not sure what you would’ve even opened a conversation like this with. What does Harper expect you to say? Hey, Clay! This surgery is super scary and you might die, but stay positive!

To be fair, it’s not like that’s a lie per say, but it’s incredibly blunt and you’re definitely not the type of person to just dish something out like that and move on.

“I am,” you start, finding it hard to fully look into the blonde’s eyes again. They’re so intense you’re not sure you’ll be able to be alone with him in this room, look into them, and not completely lose your mind. “It was a while back, nothing extremely recent, but yeah. It was…an experience.”

You don’t even know how to articulate the proper words to explain to Clay how monumental something like a heart transplant is. He’s not stupid, there’s no doubt he knows the risks, but having experienced it yourself and knowing first hand what’s it’s like on the other side of it all is hard to summarize.

“I bet it was,” Clay practically whispers. It’s in this moment you notice he’s lost some of that front he was obviously putting up for Dr. Harper. That joking edge in his tone is gone and is instead replaced by unknowingness. “Dr. Harper has tried to explain to me over and over how important and serious this surgery is, and I get it I really do, but there’s still a part of me that is completely lost on it all. I think if I believe it’s not that bad and just act like everything is fine that it will be. But I know that’s not how it works.

“I’ve tried to talk to Dr. Harper about it but it never comes out the way I want it to. I feel like it would kind of fall on deaf ears anyways. At the end of that surgery Dr. Harper will still be alive. I’m the only one in that operating room who has a chance at not making it back out of there and that terrifies the hell out of me.” Clay let’s out a breathy laugh, not because he finds anything actually funny, but because of the fact he can’t believe he actually said that out loud.

Since the moment he found out he needed this surgery, he’s never once vocalized the very real possibility of what can happen. He’s heard it spoken a dozen times to and around him, but never once has he heard it be spoken in his own voice. The weight on his shoulders seems to somehow get even heavier.

You know Clay is a busy man and that there isn’t a lot of time here to get through to him. But you feel your heart practically shatter in your chest at the blonde’s words, and it’s at this point you decide you’ll try your best, because for some reason the universe has given you this opportunity to be there for someone in your position—something you unfortunately didn’t have. You won’t stand to let Clay be in this alone. Family or not, the man clearly has no one around who’s gone through what he has and you refuse to let him deal with it on his own any longer.

“Clay,” you say, taking tentative steps towards him, not wanting to cross a boundary but also wanting to be close enough so he really hears what you’re about to say. “Dr. Harper isn’t wrong when he says how risky this surgery is. There is a very high chance that you will go to sleep on that table and never wake up.”

Clay’s eyes flick to yours and suddenly that jittery feeling you had looking into them earlier is gone. Now you only feel sincerity and determination as you look into them.

“I don’t want you to take that as me believing you won’t survive this, though. I mean look at me, I know first hand exactly what you’re going through, what you will go through, and I am still here. I am alive and healthy and proof that this can work for you too. I don’t know everything Dr. Harper has told you or asked of you, but I want you to know that you don’t have to let the fear control you. Yeah, this surgery is scary as hell. I didn’t think I was going to make it either, but I did, and I’ve lived every day since knowing this transplant is not a death sentence. It’s a chance at a new life.”

Something flickers in Clay’s eyes and you swear you can tell you’re getting through to him, in whatever way that may be.

“Yes, there are risks, and yes I agree with Dr. Harper in the sense that you need to grasp the fact this surgery and it’s repercussions are very real, but that’s not all that’s important. Of course there are things you have to think about and take care of before going into this surgery, but you also need to take care of yourself. It is your life, Clay, and if I took away anything from when I had my own transplant surgery, it’s that no one else can get you through this the way you can. Your decisions are your own and you have to look after what’s important to you first, no matter what or who that may be. But just because there’s a chance you won’t survive, that doesn’t mean it’ll happen. You deserve to still be able to think about and plan your future. Dr. Harper is a good surgeon and I believe with all my heart that you will continue to have one.”

There’s a finality in your tone that you’re not quite sure on where it came from. Part of you feels like you were just standing on a soap box and maybe you shouldn’t have gone off on that little rant as much as you did, but from the look on Clay’s face you can tell it means the world to him.

“Y/N…why is it only now I’ve just met you?” Clay grins at you and you can feel your face flush at both his comment and awestruck gaze. “Somehow I feel things would’ve made a lot more sense earlier on if I would’ve met you when this all started. Not one person has ever made me feel the way you just did about this surgery. No one’s been able to give their honest thoughts and feelings on it all like that. This is the first time in almost a year that I’ve ever felt seen and heard.”

There’s a small blush on Clay’s cheeks and you revel in the way you words have affected him. You didn’t really have a plan, you kinda just went for it, so you’re glad it came off the way you wanted it to. If there’s anything Clay—or any transplant patient really—deserves is the chance to find solace in someone who can relate to them. Someone to help ease their fears, their burdens.

“There’s a lot of doctors and statistics involved in this whole thing, but there’s not a lot of relatability. Going through this process can be very lonely and nerve wracking, and I know we quite literally just met today but I want you to know I’m here for you, Clay. If you need someone that has any clue about what it’ll feel like, what the process of recovery is like, I’m here to answer those questions. Not everyone is the same, everyone’s transplant journey is different. But just know you no longer have to feel alone in this.”

As you finish your spiel, you try to hide your surprise at your own words. You’ve met this man officially mere minutes ago and yet here you are essentially offering up a shoulder to cry on. Even through your shock you find it weird how natural it feels.

“Thank you, Y/N, seriously,” Clay starts, clearly not feeling uncomfortable at the offer at all as an honest and warm smile adorns his face as he looks at you. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

That heat makes its way back to your face as you stare at Clay, watching as his eyes look up at you through his lashes as he continues to sit on the operating table. In this position you have the tiniest bit of height advantage on him and you curse yourself for noticing how easy it would be to lean forward and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into an embrace.

After a few more beats of comfortable silence, the two of you just enthralled in each other’s presence, a daring thought pops into your head. It probably crosses so many lines in regards to HIPPA and just doctor/patient morals in general, but you don’t want this to be the last you see of Clay. Who knows when he’ll be back the same time as you, or if you’ll even get the opportunity to stop and talk to him when you are at the hospital at the same time. You’ve seen a lot of articles recently about taking things into your own hands, making the first step, and apparently this is your moment to practice just that.

“Clay-“ You don’t even get the chance to attempt to be bold because the moment the blonde’s name leaves your lips, his phone is ringing and his gaze is ripped from your own as he reaches into his pocket in search of the source of the sound.

You watch as he looks down at the screen and in an instant every thought of absolutely anything happening between you two is immediately dismissed. It’s so obvious in the way Clay’s shoulders relax, the crease between his brow flattens, and how his whole face practically lights up that clearly whoever is on the other side of that phone call is someone the businessman is in love with.

“Hey, baby,” Clay coos softly in the phone, looking so at peace in an environment that is the complete opposite of it. And that confirms it.

Your shoulders slump forward and you’re unsure why you feel so deeply affected by all of this. You don’t know Clay at all, never would have under any other circumstance, so why does it hurt so much watching him talk sweetly to another woman?

Quickly, you stand up straighter and plaster a smile on your face as Clay’s eyes flick over to you, seeming to remember where exactly he is and who it is he was talking to before his phone rang.

Pulling the phone away slightly from his face, he smiles at you apologetically. “I’m sorry, I should really head out now. It was so nice to meet you.” Clay gets up from the operating table and you find yourself taking a step back as his full height comes into view and he consumes your space.

“Of course! It was nice to meet you too, Clay,” you reply, finding it hard to meet his eyes now. A twinge of embarrassment floods through you. How naïve of you to let yourself daydream about this becoming anything else than what it actually is; a doctor talking to a patient.

You watch his retreating back as he makes his way to the door and you find yourself firmly planted in the spot he’s leaving you in. You won’t lie, a part of you doesn’t want to follow in the risk you’ll go in the same direction and you’ll be forced to hear him whisper more sweet nothings to another woman.

As Clay opens the door, he pauses for a moment before turning back to you and nodding his head. “See you around.”

The door slowly closes behind him and you let out a breath of air you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“See you around, Clay.”

*****

“God, I cannot wait to go home, curl up in bed, and go to sleep. I’m exhausted,” Jill groans as she rubs the back of her neck with her hand, trying to ease some of the tension there.

“Tell me about it, I feel like it was so brutal today. I guess it makes sense considering it is Halloween, but still.” Rolling your head, you feel a couple cracks in your neck and you can’t help the hum of satisfaction that slips past your lips at the feeling.

“Oh shit, it is Halloween, isn’t it? I can’t believe I didn’t realize! Ugh all the good candy is probably sold out by now. You think some of the other doctors with families will bring in candy tomorrow they don’t want their kids to eat? I’d kill for a full size Hershey bar.”

You giggle over your friend’s comments and roll your eyes as you nudge her softly. “Jill, we can get those from the vending machines! Stop trying to mooch off of kids’ hard earned candy.”

“I know, but it tastes better when it’s from trick or treating! A-k-a when it’s free! Besides those kids don’t need it, cavities and all that.”

“Oh okay, I didn’t know you switched over to dentistry,” you laugh.

Jill rolls her eyes and smirks. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, are you even working tomorrow? You better or when I steal a kid’s candy bar, I’m not sharing with you.”

“You’ll have to indulge without me then because I’m off,” you shrug and then laugh as you watch Jill throw her head back with a groan.

“Ugh, so not fair, you lucky, lucky girl! I’m not off until the day after.”

“It’s okay, I’ll get my karma then because I’m working when you’ll be off, so it all balances out in the end.”

Jill tilts her head and hums satisfactorily at that realization. “Huh, you’re right. All is forgiven.”

The two of you laugh and you shake your head at your friend’s antics. You don’t know what you’d do without her.

As the two of you round the corner towards the front door, you both slow down as you take in the sight of a small group before you. It only takes you a second to recognize Clay and even less time to realize he’s with a girl. A very beautiful girl at that.

“Woah, who’s the babe with Clay? You think that’s…?” Jill tilts her head slightly towards you, wanting to get your insight.

You don’t even have to guess that that’s the woman the blonde was talking to earlier on the phone. As you get closer you realize Clay has his arm wrapped around her as well, and your stomach lurches a bit at the sight.

“Y/N!” Your eyes are immediately averted from Clay’s embrace around his—presumed—girlfriend, and instead become locked in with those of the man in question. Those pale blues look somehow even brighter, happier than they were this morning. From the looks on everyone else’s face as well, you can tell there’s a reason for it.

“Hey, Clay,” you smile, finding yourself and Jill now wrapped up in the small gathering. “What’s going on? What are you doing here so late? Is everything okay?”

“More than okay, Ms. Y/L/N! Clay here is getting his new heart tonight,” Dr. Harper chimes in. The smile that breaks out on your face is uncontrollable.

“What!? Clay, that’s amazing! Congratulations.” For a mere moment it feels like the two of you are the only ones standing there. Clay’s soft, grateful smile causes your cheeks to warm and a sense of adoration to flow through you.

The feeling swiftly leaves though as you pick up movement out of the corner of your eye. All too soon you’re brought back to the reality that you’re in a group of people, and the man you can’t stop fawning over is very much involved with whoever this woman is next to him.

Your eyes flit from Clay’s to the brunette woman’s and somehow Clay seems to pick up on it, lightly shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m so sorry, I haven’t introduced you two yet! Sam, this is Y/N, one of the doctors who works with Jack. Y/N, this is Sam; my wife.”

Wife.

The word rings out in your head and you have to fight the way it nearly knocks you off your feet. “H-Hi! It’s so nice to meet you.” You reach out your hand and Sam does the same, your eyes widening at the sight of her wedding ring as she grasps your hand in hers.

You quickly try to recover, not wanting to be too obvious with the way you’re feeling right now. Sam’s smile is big and infectious and you’re sure she doesn’t notice a thing.

Who would, knowing a man like the one next to her is her husband?

Lightly shaking your head, you let go of Sam’s hand and turn towards Jill, needing her now more than ever and also realizing she also deserves an introduction.

“And this is Jill! A friend of mine as well as a fellow doctor.” Jill wastes no time in taking Clay’s gaze off of you, moving in closer and sticking out her hand immediately.

“Hi! So great to officially meet you, Clay!” She says ecstatically before turning her head towards his wife and only slightly losing the excitement. “Sam.”

Clay grasps her hand in his and you can just tell by the look on her face that she’s eating this up. You have to hold yourself back from laughing. “I remember you! I saw you this morning while I was with Dr. Harper, right?”

You swear you see Jill die and then come back to life all in a split second. “Y-Yes, that was me!”

She miraculously lets go of Clay’s hand and you hear her let out a stunned huff as the takes a step back towards you. Not a second later you feel Jill poke you lightly in the side and you know immediately she’s never going to live this moment down.

You cover up the chuckle that escapes you by clearing your throat. As you regain yourself, you watch as Sam looks up at Clay and they seem to share a private moment, even while standing in the middle of a hospital. It’s evident the love they have for each other, the trust and admiration. It’s palpable and makes your heart squeeze, both in envy and despair.

You’d give anything to have a love like that. A man like that. Specifically that man in front of you, if you’re being completely honest.

“You girls heading home for the night?” A voice cuts into your stream of thought and you’re grateful for the opportunity to turn away from Clay and Sam.

It’s Dr. Puttnam, but you’re honestly not even mad about having to talk to him right now. You might even go as far as to say you’re thankful for him…maybe.

“Yeah, our shifts just ended so we’re on our way out,” you reply.

“Really? That’s too bad, I was hoping maybe you’d be here for the surgery. I figured since you work with Jack and all that you’d be in the operating room,” Clay says, drawing your attention right back to him.

“Oh-!” Clay’s words catch you off guard but also leave you feeling flattered. To think he wanted—no, wants—you in the operating room with him, it leaves you practically speechless. “Uh-no, I’m not on your case specifically, but I wouldn’t mind stepping in, if Dr. Harper is-“

“No!” You’re cut off by Harper himself and with his sudden exclamation, your excitement dwindles. An opportunity to be there for Clay in a way you didn’t think was possible would’ve been everything. Even besides that, to step in on a high profile heart transplant surgery this early in your career could’ve opened so many doors for you. You’re confused on the sudden shut down of the idea and by the look on Clay’s face, you’re not the only one. Harper clears his throat and gives a strained smile. “I mean, unfortunately that wouldn’t be possible. Although Y/N is more than capable of taking part in the surgery, due to the severity of this case I must insist we stick with only the original people assigned to this operation. We wouldn’t want to risk anything or have more people in the room than necessary.”

A valid reason, but still a disappointing one nonetheless. You just nod your head understandingly, your lips coming together in a tight line as you try to not let your upset emotions shine through.

“You could stick around in the waiting room with me? If you want to that is, I know you’re just getting off a shift. Clay told me earlier about the conversation he had with you and well, I just know it’d mean a lot to him to know you were around—at least in some capacity—for his surgery.” Your eyes snap to Sam and her offer takes you by surprise.

Damn, she’s nice, too? It’s gonna be really hard to dislike this woman.

You shift your gaze to the blonde before you and he nods his head lightly, encouraging the idea. Your decision is a no brainer. “I’d love to. Anything to help support Clay.”

“Great!” Puttnam cuts in with a clap of his hands. “The more, the merrier! I’m sure your mother will appreciate the company, Clay.”

The doctor looks on with a smile but it immediately drops as he takes in Clay’s concerned expression.

“What? Wait, she’s here?” Clay questions.

Clay and Harper share a look and you try to not come off as nosy as you attempt to read their expressions. It’s clear Dr. Harper and Clay have some sort of understanding with each other. It doesn’t seem odd considering their friendship, but it’s clear there’s some hesitation between them when it comes to Mrs. Beresford, at least from what you can tell.

“What? She’s on the call sheet,” Dr. Puttnam says in defense.

Clay sighs before turning to Sam. “I’m going to go deal with this and then I’ll meet back up with you. I think it’d be best if I just went with Jack to handle my mother.” Sam nods and you watch as the blonde leans in and plants a soft kiss on her forehead before turning back to the group.

You try to make yourself appear as if you didn’t just witness their tender moment by stepping a bit closer to Penny, trying to locate what room they’re gonna have Clay in.

“If you want,” you start, wanting to offer at least some sort of help. “I can take Sam up to the room you’ll be in. She can wait there until you’re ready to get changed for surgery.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Clay smiles. “That’d be perfect.”

Trying to hide the blush you just know is beginning to coat your cheeks, you smile and nod your head before stepping away towards Jill. The look on her face makes her appear as if she’s just won the lottery and honestly just knowing how Jill is, her talking to Clay is her version of winning the lottery.

You roll your eyes affectionately and smirk as you physically feel how jittery with excitement she is as you pull her closer to you. “Well, I guess this is happening?”

“Holy shit! Yeah this is happening! Look at you getting all cosy with the Beresford family! This morning you didn’t even think you’d ever be in the same room as Clay let alone getting to talk to him and now be his personal on call girl.” There’s a suggestive look on your friend’s face and you feel yourself wanting to curl into a ball over the fact she said that when everyone else is barely five feet away.

“Jill!” You squeak. She begins to laugh and you hate the fact you feel yourself fighting back a chuckle as well. “I can’t believe you.”

“No, I can’t believe you. I’m heading home but go and get cosy with the apparent new Mrs. B.” Jill lowers her voice and leans her head so close to you her forehead nearly knocks into the side of yours. “Maybe you’ll find out she’s really some horrible person and you can swoop in and steal the blonde god that is Clay Beresford away from her.”

“Jill! Never gonna happen!” You playfully push your friend away and watch as she laughs brightly over the whole thing. You just stand there and shake your head, barely noticing the intrigued look on Clay’s face a few feet away from you.

As your friend recollects herself, you let her absurd words float through your mind. You sneak a glance over at the woman in question and find it hard to believe she could have any trace of evil inside of her. Her smile and eyes are too kind, and the literal glow around her as she talks with her husband is unmistakable. It’s clear she makes Clay happy and you’re sure a man as good as Clay Beresford would never fall for someone cruel.

“You never know,” Jill shrugs. She yawns and then continues. “I’m gone, but call me if anything happens! Good or bad, I want the details.”

“Promise! Have a good night, I’ll see you later.” Jill waves in return and as she walks past the small group she wishes Clay ‘good luck’, which he instantly thanks her for.

Even with her back turned you can tell the woman has a smile on her face. You don’t even wanna know the thoughts running through her head right now. The idea makes you chuckle.

Rejoining the group you take in the fact it’s dwindled since you stepped away. All that remains is Clay, Sam, and Dr. Harper.

“Y/N, perfect timing! Dr. Puttnam has gone with Penny to get the operating room ready for Clay. Why don’t you go on ahead with Sam while Clay and I speak with his mother. We hope the conversation won’t be long,” Dr. Harper says before glancing at Clay. “But either way we will meet up with you both and get started right away.”

“Sounds good to me,” you say before turning towards Clay and Sam. “Sam, right this way.”

The brunette smiles at you warmly and you mentally curse yourself for even jokingly thinking about the idea of stealing her new husband from her.

After all, she is just evidently a girl in love trying to live a long, happy life with her husband.

*****

To say the atmosphere has turned a little...chilly would be an understatement. After bringing Sam back to the waiting room, it wasn't long before Clay's mother joined you two. She greeted you kindly, asked a few questions, and thanked you for staying to support her son. But the minute Sam tried to insert herself into the conversation, tried to find some connection with Clay's mom, Lilith immediately shut her down. Lilith wasn't very receptive to anything Sam had to say, which made having any conversation with the both of them basically impossible, to put it lightly.

So now you find yourself practically trapped between these two women who clearly have some sort of history, anxiously watching the time tick by on the clock you've had your eyes glued to for some time now. Lilith's occupied herself with some playing cards she had in her purse and Sam twiddles aimlessly with her thumbs, no doubt feeling anxious not only about Clay but also due to the tension between herself and his mother.

"Miss, uh..." The deep baritone of the nurse's voice breaks you out of your thoughts and you immediately hone in on the chance he might be bringing news of Clay. "Ramos?"

Your shoulders slump down in rejection, feeling no closer to getting any answers than you did before the nurse walked in. You watch out of the corner of your eye as he goes and sits down in one of the waiting room chairs close to Sam. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion as you wonder what it is he could want from her.

"Hi, how you doin'?" He asks Sam and you can tell she's having non of it as she replies with a cool 'hey'. "Can I help you with something?"

Wow, he's persistent, you think.

You go to roll your eyes, picking up on the fact that clearly this guy is trying to hit on Sam. Which, if you think about it, is a little sick considering where you are currently. Obviously that doesn't deter some people.

"Haven't I seen you around?" You lift your head up and look over at the pair, finding it odd the nurse would even say that. You assume if he has seen her around, she'd be with Clay and this guy would know she's taken. You mentally brush it off, this is probably just part of his game to get Sam's number.

The need to maybe step in on Sam's behalf is abruptly pushed to the side as you see Sam hold up her hand, proudly showing off her engagement and wedding ring.

You can't help the tiny smirk that graces your lips as you watch the nurse sigh and slouch down in defeat. Sam shut that down real quick. The nurse mumbles an apology before rushing off back to his job.

"You have two rings on your finger." Your smirk disappears as you hear Lilith speak up from beside you. It's the first time she's spoken to Sam directly since you got to the waiting room. Something tells you this is not gonna be good.

"What was that?" Sam questions barely above a whisper. She's probably just as shocked as you this interaction is happening.

"Why are you wearing two rings, Sam?" The way Lilith questions it, you know she already knows the answer and she is not happy about it.

Holy shit, you think. She had no idea her own son got married.

Things just got a whole lot more interesting.

Sam stays silent and it doesn't take long for Lilith to question, "When?"

"Just before he got the call," Sam shrugs, looking timid. Clay's mom sighs and quickly looks away from her, finding the playing cards she's been shuffling way more interesting than whatever it is her apparent daughter-in-law has to say.

"Lilith," Sam pleads, but it's no use as Lilith refuses to look up.

Yikes. Maybe I should've sat on the other side, you think. You feel at any moment those playing cards could go flying and you really don't feel like being in the middle of that cat fight.

Clearing your throat in the least awkward way as possible, you get up and head for the vending machine a few feet in front of you. Maybe a little refreshment will do you some good. It is Halloween after all, you deserve a sweet treat.

As you pick which of the drinks it is you want, you remember the tidbit Sam tried to give Clay's mom earlier when she first walked into the waiting room. You hold down a bit longer on the button and feel satisfied as you watch your treat get released to you.

Bending down to grab your drink, you startle a little as a crash sounds from behind you. You turn your head and watch as Sam hurries to the floor, a bunch of orange pill bottles scattered around her. She must've dropped her purse.

"Oh, shit!" She exclaims, trying to catch some of the bottles before they roll away. You go to help her pick them up, but you stop as she begins to speak, clearly to Lilith. "Levatol, Enalapril, Digoxin. He likes me to carry them around. If I left it up to him he'd be popping 'em like M&Ms. He could OD on these things, you know?"

Sam finishes gathering all the bottles and goes back to the chair she was sitting in. "Can't say I'll miss them. A lot of cute purses I haven't been able to use over the last year."

"I didn't know you did that," Lilith says softly, looking down at the ground. It's obvious she's taking in the fact Sam cares deeply for Clay. Why else would she cart around all his medicines like that? You don't do that for someone you're not serious about. "That you carried his meds around."

It feels as if there's about to be some big turning point for the two women right now, so you stay hovering by the vending machine, not wanting to get in the way of whatever moment they're about to have. You only hope it turns out well and doesn't become a screaming match.

"I tried not to like him. I honestly did," Sam starts. "Lilith, I know how much he means to you."

"What do you want from me, Sam?" Lilith asks defensively. You barely know the woman and yet you can tell all of this is incredibly hard for her to fathom. Her son got married right under her nose and now he's in a life threatening surgery that she has no idea if he'll survive. You can't even imagine where her head must be at right now.

"I want you to tell him that he's as good as his father. I want you to tell him that it's okay to love me, and I want you to tell me that it's okay to love him back. He's already lost one parent, he can't lose another. He needs you. I'm not a bad person. I mean if you could just give us your blessing—"

There's a rawness and urgency in Sam's tone. At this point she has nothing left to lose. It's clear she's hanging on to every second Lilith is giving her, using every bit of that time to try and convince this powerful woman that she's deserving of her son. A part of you aches for her. To have a love you're willing to fight for is a rare thing, and you think anyone who's willing to sacrifice everything for the one they love deserves happiness.

"Okay, just stop talking." Lilith holds up her hand and that immediately causes Sam to halt her efforts. You prepare for the worst, but what Clay's mom does next shocks you. "Just make sure he takes his meds and...stop talking."

"What?" Sam asks, her eyes going slightly wide at Lilith's...acceptance?

"He has horrible allergies. Did you know that? Especially in the spring. Grass and flowers." You watch as Sam wastes no time in wrapping her arms around Lilith, bringing her in for a long awaited hug. The sight makes you smile. "Don't think this means I'm gonna be visiting every week."

Sam holds on a little longer and you can see Lilith start to stiffen a bit at the contact. She's not fully there yet, but you can tell this family is going to be okay. You may not know the whole story, but it's clear there's a lot of love involved. "Okay. Okay, let go. All right." Lilith chuckles a little and the two of them break apart, settling back into each of their respective seats.

You take this as your sign that it's all clear to take your seat again. You walk up and catch Sam's eye, you give her a warm smile and she gives you one in return. That glow she had around Clay earlier is back and you can tell this interaction she had with Lilith has lifted her spirits. That little envious feeling you had earlier too comes back, but you push it aside. Now is not the time.

As you sit down in between Sam and Lilith again, you open your drink and take a long sip. The cool liquid runs down your throat and you relish in the refreshing feeling. It feels like you've all been here for ages. You're starting to pick up on the feeling your friends and family must've had when you had your own heart transplant surgery. This waiting game is definitely not easy, and you'd give anything to get some answers.

Clay's wife must feel the same because not a second later she leans towards you and Lilith. "You know what? I'm gonna try and find out what's going on."

You both give Sam nods of encouragement, seeing it as the best bet. You thought about maybe trying to use your status as an employee as leverage to try and get some information, but the fact you're off the clock mixed with the fact you're not part of Clay's family had you second guessing doing that. Thankfully Sam's taking one for the team. "Sit tight, you two. I'll be right back."

The brunette walks off towards two doctors who have congregated in the hallway and you strain your ears to try and hear what they have to say, it's useless though, everyone talking in hushed tones.

There's a doctor in blue scrubs off to the right of Sam and you watch as he makes his way towards her. You've personally never seen him around before, but maybe he's new or he's been called in to help on a surgery. Whatever the case may be, you just hope he has some answers about Clay and his condition.

"You're not a doctor at this hospital!" You hear Sam bite out, and the comment leaves you confused. "I mean, you don't work here, do you?" She finishes in hushed tones, but it's just loud enough for you to hear, and by the looks of it so did Lilith. The two of you share a puzzling look, not understanding why Sam would say something like that. You chalk it up to the fact maybe Sam just hasn't seen this specific doctor before. You're sure she's decently familiar with Clay's team, so of course she'd have some questions if someone completely new is working on his surgery.

You give Lilith an assuring smile, trying to ease any worries she may have. She gives you one too, but you can tell it's not genuine. She goes back to holding her scarf close to her chest, no doubt what she's using to ground herself, and you mentally sigh. As with any patient's family, you want to give Lilith some sort of comfort to hold onto. A positive update. Good news on Clay's recovery. Anything at all. But alas, you're not able to offer anything and that alone breaks your heart.

Sam walks away from the doctor and you watch as she retreats down a hallway. You're not sure where she plans on going or how she plans on getting some answers, but maybe she knows something you don't. Clay is a high profile patient, to be fair. She could know a way to get access that you haven't heard of yet. Whatever it is Sam is doing, you just hope she's quick. You're not sure how much longer Lilith will be able to hold out without any information.

*****

It seems like hours before Sam makes her way back to the waiting room. In reality it was probably only ten to fifteen minutes, but every minute feels like an hour when it comes to something like this.

As the newest Mrs. Beresford walks towards you and Lilith, you watch as Clay's mother immediately springs to her feet.

"Is he okay? Is everything okay?"

"They wouldn't say," Sam offers. All that time gone and she has nothing to report? There's a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that says none of this is right, things aren't adding up, but you let it go the minute you catch a glimpse of Lilith's face; a mix of both relief at no bad news, but also nerves from no good news either.

"You were gone so long. I started—" Lilith rolls her head back, her shoulders slumping.

"I know, I know. I'm scared too," Sam sympathizes.

The brunette rubs the arms of the older woman before leading her back to her chair. She smiles and nods at you, and you try your best not to make anything of her shifty gaze. It feels almost as if she doesn't want you too close, seeing past anything she's giving Lilith.

It must be paranoia, nothing solid has happened to make it seem like something is going on. Sam is a nice girl, she probably can just tell you have the hots for her husband, and as the clock ticks closer and closer to his surgery finishing, you're sure she's just becoming a little uncomfortable sharing such a personal time with you.

You technically are just a random doctor she met today who had a heartfelt conversation with her significant other and is now sitting with her and her mother-in-law during his life altering surgery. When you put it into perspective, the untrustworthy atmosphere seems to make a bit more sense.

Shaking it off, you readjust yourself in your chair. With no news at all, who knows how much longer it's going to be. Might as well get comfortable.

*****

"Something's wrong." Lilith's voice breaks you out of the trance you've found yourself in. For who knows how long now you've been trying to ground yourself. You're not sure why you're feeling so affected. Maybe it's because you do have a soft spot for Clay. Maybe it's the realization of how scary it is to care for someone going through a heart transplant. Maybe it's a coping mechanism to try and tune out the fact the three of you haven't spoken since Sam came back, anxiety striking you all silent. "I can feel that something's wrong."

"What Is it?" You ask Lilith, noticing her stricken expression the moment you look towards her.

"I can't just sit here like this. They should have told us something by now."

Sam straightens in her seat beside you, no doubt gearing up to try and calm Clay's mom. "Listen to me."

"No, you don't understand. He's not just my son. I was a kid when I had him."

"He's gonna be fine," Sam assures, shifting her gaze between Lilith and you, nodding her head. Your nervousness is probably written all over your face.

"We've grown up together. It's me and him," Lilith continues.

Sam has a contemplative look on her face, and you find yourself having deja vu. You take this as your opportunity to offer Lilith some comfort and advice, much like you did with Clay earlier today. Although, that seems so long ago now.

"He's not gonna die. Not now, not today," you say as you turn your body towards her. Confidence—or something—must overtake you because you find yourself reaching for her hand, feeling the slight shake in them. A mother's worries.

"How can you be so sure?" She whispers, not pulling away from your light grip.

With all the sincerity you can muster you whisper to her, "Because he's got too much to live for."

You can see the shimmer of tears brimming Lilith's eyes as she takes in your words. In an instant, you feel her squeeze your hand, no doubt trying to thank you for your words without having to actually say so, her voice unreliable at this point with the amount of emotion lodged in her throat.

You simply nod your head, letting her know you understand completely. What you said isn't bullshit, it's genuinely how you feel. It's clear as day that Clay is surrounded by two women who love him very much. There's no doubt in your mind that he laid down on that operating table today with every intention of waking up and going back to them.

The thought squeezes your own heart that you fought so hard for. To love is to be loved, and you're happy that Clay has a good support system around him to guide him through what is no doubt going to be hell for a little while. You remember your own restless days and recovery process. Lilith and Sam may not know exactly what Clay is gonna go through, but you're sure they'll do all they can to help him.

*****

You're the first to notice Dr. Harper walking towards you along with the doctor Sam was talking to earlier. You lightly tap both Lilith and Sam with each of your hands to grab their attention. This is it.

"So?" Lilith questions after getting to her feet. Harper immediately shakes his head and your stomach drops.

"He rejected the heart." Four words. Four words is all it takes to completely throw you off balance. "We did everything we could, but the organ failed, and I am so sorry."

No, there's no way.

You feel Sam fall to her seat beside you and you wonder how it must feel for her. She married the love of her life not even a day ago and in just a few hours she lost him. You can't imagine a worse heartbreak.

"The organ failed?" Lilith questions, disbelief evident in her voice.

"Yes, it wouldn't respond to the procedure. But in cases like this, it's not uncommon for—"

"Don't you mean you failed?" Lilith cuts him off, and you can tell at any minute she might lose it. You can't blame her, you'd do the same in her position. You're positive Dr. Harper did all he can to save Clay, but this was a risk you were all well aware of. You just never thought it'd actually happen.

"No, we...we did everything that we could. It's just an imperfect procedure." Harper shakes his head and you can tell by the look on his face that this has broken him just as much as the rest of you. You don't know him or Clay that well, but it's clear they had a genuine friendship. He will never recover from this.

"Say it," Lilith bites out.

"Say what?"

"I wanna hear you say it. I wanna hear you say you failed my son." Dr. Harper stands there in shock as Lilith walks away from him and sits on the opposite side of the aisle of chairs. "It shouldn't have been you. It should never have been you. I fucking knew it."

"I'm sorry, Sam." Harper whispers before slightly turning and barely meeting your eyes. "Y/N."

He leaves the room and all that's left is you, Sam, Lilith, and the doctor Sam was talking to earlier. You find yourselves in utter silence. No other sounds can be heard besides the distant noises of other lives being saved and others being unfortunately lost. You think about how many more families will be devastated tonight just like the Beresfords. The thought pains you.

"I'm afraid we're gonna need your permission to take him off bypass." The doctor's words cause you to glance up at him. He stands tentatively at Mrs. Beresford's side.

"What?" She asks, looking over at him with tears streaming down her face.

"We'll need your permission," He says again, taking a seat next to her. "I'm so sorry to have to ask."

"I don't understand," Lilith shakes her head. "He's alive."

"Yes, but his blood's being pumped by a machine. He has no heart."

You squeeze your eyes shut, hating the image that's planted itself in your mind. You've seen countless people be put on bypass, it's your job, but it makes you feel sick to think about Clay being in that position with no way out. His chest open on that table with no heart inside to make him better again. You hate it. He deserved better.

"Then get him another heart," Clay's mother demands, not understanding the full severity of the situation. There is no other heart. You've heard enough about Clay and his case to know this one was a miracle as it is. To get another heart on such short notice, whilst also not having Clay on bypass for too long a time, is impossible.

"You don't understand. His blood type's too rare. We don't have one. I'm sorry. It's over." The doctor explains softly. Lilith merely thanks him before standing up and making her way to the corner of the waiting room, scarf still clutched in her hands.

"I'll be in the hallway," the doctor says before walking away form you all.

"Lilith," Sam says as she gets up from her seat.

"Could you leave me alone for a minute?" Lilith stops her in her tracks, not wanting Sam's comfort right now.

"Okay," she complies before walking away, going who knows where.

For a moment it's just you and Clay's mom. Nothing is said between the two of you, but just by looking at her you can tell she's struggling to keep it together.

You stand, taking a small step closer to the woman before softy calling out her name. "Lilith."

Suddenly, her eyes narrow slightly, a look of determination overtaking her grief-stricken features. "I'm going to the cafeteria. I need a moment alone."

She doesn't even await your answer as she swiftly makes her way around the chairs and towards the hallway, but not before snatching Sam's purse out of one of the chairs. You don't even question it at this point, you'd do just about anything else before standing in the way of a grieving mother.

*****

Time passes, and that nagging feeling you had earlier that something is severely wrong comes crawling back. Lilith still isn't back from the cafeteria yet, and you haven't seen Sam since Lilith asked her to leave.

You do the only thing that feels right. You go after Lilith. She's Clay's mother. If something is going on, she'd be the only one you could trust to tell you the truth. You need to talk to her, see if she feels the same way. You don't understand how this all could've gone south so fast.

Quickly making your way to the cafeteria, you looking around at all the tables and chairs, trying to find Lilith as quickly as possible. When you do finally spot her, what you see has your breath catching in your throat.

"Lilith!" You cry, rushing over to her secluded table. When you reach her, she's just finished shoving multiple pills in her mouth. You recognize the bottles as the same ones that fell out of Sam's purse earlier. Lilith has taken Clay's medication. She's trying to OD. "What have you done!? I need to get help."

Before you're able to rush off and call someone over to help you, Lilith has her hand wrapped around your arm, stopping you in your tracks. "No! Please, don't."

"Why are you doing this? What's going on? I came to find you because I think something's wrong with what happened to Clay but-but-" You feel tears start to brim your eyes. Even though you hardly know the woman before you, you can't imagine her taking her own life. The pain she must be feeling is insurmountable, but she can't do this. She can't.

"Let me explain, please. I don't have much time." Lilith urges you to sit down and you do so immediately. The quicker she gets out whatever she needs to say, the quicker you can go for help and save her life. There's no way you're losing both Beresfords tonight.

"What is it?" You urge, leaning towards her in your seat, the anticipation and stress eating you up.

"I had a feeling something was going on, I knew it from the beginning, but I kept telling myself I was just paranoid. My suspicions were confirmed though when I found this." Lilith pauses to reach into Sam's purse, pulling out a small stack of envelopes and handing them to you.

"What is this?" You look down at the letters Lilith has given you and your eyebrows furrow in confusion when you notice Sam's name on them. Except, on each letter, she has one of two different last names. On some of her letters her name is Samantha Lockwood, but on others, specifically one from Varick University (a nursing school), it says her name is Samantha Tunnell. You feel like you're gonna throw up, quickly catching on to where this might be going.

"She's not who she says she is. It only took me a second to put it together after that. She's been to this hospital before. Think about it; the vending machine she somehow knew how to work? The nurse asking if he'd seen her before? Her saying one of Clay's doctors didn't work at this hospital? How would she know any of that stuff? I don't know the exact specifics, but they're all in on it, all of them! They tried to kill my son, they are killing him unless I do something about it."

"Lilith, I'm sorry there's nothing we can do. There's no other heart for Clay. His blood type—"

"Is the same as mine."

Lilith's sentence sends your mind reeling. Suddenly, the picture becomes clear.

She's going to give him her heart.

"Lilith, if what you're saying is true—"

"It is, and I need you to let me do it. I've already called Dr. Neyer, he's on his way to perform the transplant, I don't trust anyone else. It's happening and it's happening fast so please, listen to me. I need you to do me a favor, Y/N."

You're stunned silent. There are no words to describe what's happening right now. It was just supposed to be a heart transplant. The anticipation of waiting for Clay to make it out on the other side was supposed to be the most nerve-racking event of the day, but suddenly his murder plot is.

Trusted medical staff. His best friend. His wife. All in on it. Your stomach churns and your heart races, but as you stare at Lilith, you realize just how serious she is. How dead set she is on changing the story these horrible people have written.

Gone is the poised woman who was married to a business tycoon. What remains is merely a mother doing everything she can to save her only child. You'd find it admirable if you weren't already feeling so frightened and worried about it all.

What she's set in motion cannot be undone, and as she stares at you eagerly, hoping you'll agree, you can't help but to take a leap of faith and do just that. "What can I do to help you?"

"Hold onto those letters like your life depends on it. Give them to the police directly the minute they get here. She cannot and will not get away with this. None of them will. But most importantly, what I need you to do is look after my son."

Lilith reaches out and grasps your hands in hers, much like you did earlier when you were assuring her Clay would not die today. Unlike earlier, though, her hands are no longer trembling. She is the most stoic you've seen her all day, and her determination is slowly but surely rubbing off on you.

"Lilith, I—" You can't find the right words to reply to her with. Obviously turning in evidence to the police is a no brainer, but looking after Clay? A man you met not even 24 hours ago. Your heart knows it's right, but your head is trying to reason otherwise.

"It's okay, I know it's a big ask, but please Y/N. Clay will have no one else on his side after tonight. I know you just met me, just met him, but for some reason I trust you wholly. I can tell your heart is pure. You stayed by Clay's side just for the mere fact you wanted to be there for him. You know personally what he's gonna go through after he wakes up from that surgery. I have no one else to turn to, no one else to ask. I know it's not fair of me, but I need you. He needs you."

Your heart swells. Emotions run wild through your mind, only one thought clear amongst the chaos. You have to do this, you have to do what she's asking. You want to. God knows no one else will get it all like you do. No one else will understand Clay and be there for him to answer any questions he may have. You truly will be all he's got.

With tears slipping down your cheeks, you nod your head. "Yes, absolutely. I'll do it, Lilith. I promise I won't let you down, I won't let Clay down."

"Good," she smiles, her eyes starting to droop closed. No doubt the concoction of pills she downed working their way through her bloodstream. Any minute now her body will shut down. Her heart will stop beating. She'll never wake up again. "Now hurry. Go find Neyers. He should be here any minute if he's not already. Bring him here and make sure he gets started right away. Clay doesn't have much time."

Noting your head, you stand up from the table, removing one of your hands from Lilith's grasp to wipe away your endless tears. Before you can take back your other hand, Clay's mother squeezes it tightly, causing you to look directly at her.

"Thank you," she whispers, her body slumping back in her chair, her head beginning to lean on the wall to her right. "Clay deserves someone like you."

You smile weakly at the woman, your heart squeezing for more reasons than one. "Goodbye, Lilith."

The older woman lets go of your hand and uses it to prop her head up. To anyone walking by she just looks like a tired loved one, looking to pass the time in the hospital cafeteria. But you know what's really going on. You watch as her breathing slows, her chest rising and falling less and less as the seconds tick by. It'll be any second now, but you can't bear to witness her final moment. Instead, you do as she asked and haul ass to the hospital entrance, looking for the man who's going to save the life of the Beresford heir.

*****

Knowing Clay was going under the knife a second time was no easier than the first time. Dr. Neyer is an incredibly capable doctor, but considering the events of today, you could say you're still a bit uneasy.

There was no way you were going back to that waiting room from earlier, you'd rather walk around aimlessly for hours instead of reliving those moments again and again in your mind. You're beating yourself up over the fact you didn't truly notice anything was off earlier. If you just would've trusted your gut feeling a little more or asked a few more questions, maybe things could've been different.

You shake those thoughts away, though, knowing there's nothing to be done now. What's done is done and all you can do is hope and wait for Clay to get out of that surgery safe and sound.

After meeting up with Neyer and the police, you discovered they already caught Puttnam and Penny. They're still looking for Harper and Sam, but you're sure they'll catch them soon. They're in this hospital somewhere and there's no way they're coming out of it without wearing handcuffs. There's officers at every exit, so it's just a matter of time.

Your sadness and confusion has morphed into anger now. You feel betrayed for Clay and his family, and you feel betrayed for yourself for the fact these doctors you trusted turned out to be nothing but heartless, greedy monsters. These people who you looked up to, who you wanted to be like, are nothing but frauds.

Heat starts to travel up your neck, and the feeling only intensifies when a loud noise ahead of you catches your attention and you spot a familiar brunette trying to open a locked door.

"Hey, Mrs. Beresford," you call out, Sam's head instantly snapping in your direction. "Or should I call you Ms. Lockwood? Or Ms. Tunnell? Or I know! How about just Sam? Considering that seems to be the only name that stays consistent through all your different identities."

Samantha smirks as she stalks towards you, a look of smugness all over her face. It's hilarious how she clearly thinks she's won. If only she knew how far from the truth that is.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she sighs. "All I'm doing is looking for some answers on my husband's death. I'm just the grieving widow, remember?"

Your blood boils at her comments. How dare she feign innocence when she's probably the one who killed Clay. Your mind goes back to when she was gone from the waiting room for so long, looking for updates on Clay's surgery. She was probably meeting up with all of them, planning on what they were gonna do next. It takes everything in you not to lunge for the woman before you.

"Cut the shit, Sam! I know what you did, and so do the police. Nice work on carrying around your mail with you. Couldn't even cover up your tracks properly. You'll never get away with this no matter how hard you try or how many fake tears you cry."

Sam's smirk falters. She knows she's caught. You can see the realization flash in her eyes. Her mistakes, her missteps, her failures.

"Oh, please," she scoffs, trying to gain back the upper hand. "And who are you, exactly? Nothing but a wannabe surgeon with a little crush on someone else's husband. Real nice."

"Yeah? At least I'm not a killer. And unlike you, I am a surgeon, which is more than you'll ever be while you're locked up behind bars." Crossing your arms over your chest, you tilt your head to the side and call over your shoulder, "She's over here, officers!"

Sam's eyes widen, quickly realizing you had her right where you wanted her. You saw the police officers coming up the hallway off to your right, you just had to buy them some time so they could catch up to you and arrest Sam once and for all.

Now it's your turn to have the smug look on your face as the officers rush past you and get Sam down on the ground. She never even had a chance to try and outrun them.

Walking over to the woman on the ground, you squat down to try and be more in her line of vision. You really wanna make sure she understands the words you're about to utter.

"Oh and, Sam?" You start, practically batting your eyelashes at her as she glares at you. "It's ex-husband now. And trust me, I'll take real good care of him for you."

The woman practically screams as you stand back up and turn on your heel towards the recovery rooms. Clay will be out of surgery soon and you wanna make sure you're there for him when he wakes up.

As you turn the corner, you spare a quick glance back down the way you came. Although you wish everything that happened today never occurred, it gives you great satisfaction to see the officers yank Sam up off the ground and practically drag her towards the exit.

Good, you think. She'll get what she deserves.

*****

After several more hours, you've found yourself sat in a recovery room. Finally.

Not long after the police apprehended Sam, they found Harper and arrested him. He was just sat in his office, evidence laid out on his desk. He was ready for them. If you had to guess, he's probably the only one out of that group who genuinely feels remorse for what they did. You find it hard to sympathize with him at this current moment, though.

Dr. Neyers informed you the surgery went well. They lost Clay right at the end but thankfully were able to bring him back one final time. He lays in front of you now on a hospital bed, the beeping of his heart monitor and his soft breathing the only sounds filling the room.

It's been a few hours since they brought Clay here, and you used that time to catch up on some much needed sleep after being up for nearly twenty-four hours. It was a quick nap, but you feel much better.

You're still trying to process everything that happened. Even with Clay laying here in front of you like this, you and him being the only ones in the room, it still doesn't feel real. Part of you thinks that maybe you'll wake up at any moment and it'll all have been a dream. Another part of you worries that it's all too real, and that there's a chance Clay might not wake up.

Dr. Neyers stopped in a few minutes ago and told you that Clay should be waking up any minute now. He might be a bit groggy but he would be awake nonetheless.

You’ve practically jumped out of your seat every other second since then each time you thought you saw movement. So far still nothing, but you’re hopeful it’ll be soon. You need it to be. You promised Clay’s mom you’d look after him, and you don’t plan on breaking that promise anytime soon.

Sighing, you get up from your spot in the chair next to Clay’s bed and instead take a seat to the left of him, your hip brushing his blanket covered thigh as you try not to fall off the side.

He looks peaceful as he lays there sleeping. So innocent from all the horrors that went on while he was in surgery. You dread the moment you’ll have to fill him in on all that happened. When you’ll have to tell him his mom—the woman he loves so dearly—is dead.

Emotion floods you and you try not to let it take you over. Instead you reach forward and grab Clay’s right hand in yours. His skin is warm and soft under your touch and you find comfort in it. You hope that when he does wake up, he’ll find comfort in yours too.

Rubbing your thumb back and forth over Clay’s knuckles, you look over at the EKG machine he’s hooked up to. His heart rate is steady, strong. You’re glad he made it out of the surgery, it’s rare people make it out of one transplant, yet alone two on the same day. Clay’s strong, you know he’ll get through this. He has to. His mom died to save his life and you don’t know a worse tragedy than one where neither one of them makes it out of this. The thought alone—

Your head snaps forward instantly. You wait a second and when it happens again you know you’re not just imagining it.

Clay’s hand squeezed yours. Twice!

Leaning forward, you watch as Clay’s eyes shift back and forth under his eyelids before finally, finally, they open. Immediately you’re met with two pale blue eyes.

He’s awake.

“Clay,” you whisper, not wanting to startle him. His eyes quickly find yours and you smile as you feel him squeeze your hand again. “Hey there. You’re okay, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Clay tilts his head to the side and you watch as he feebly attempts to sit up, no doubt trying to get some water. He winces and gives up immediately. You know that pain all too well.

“I got it, it’s okay. Don’t move.” Reaching over, you grab the small cup of water you poured a bit earlier incase Clay wanted it when he woke up. You hold the straw for him and bring it forward, allowing him to take a few sips. He tilts his head back when he’s done and you place the cup back on his bedside table.

“Thank you,” he croaks out, his voice raspier than normal. Even though you figured that would be the case, the deeper sound still takes you by surprise. You try not to take enjoyment in the sound, all things considered.

The blonde clears his throat and reality hits you as you realize you’ll now have to do the thing you’ve been dreading; telling Clay everything. You’re not sure where to begin, but you figure the beginning is probably the best place to start.

“Clay,” you say, uneasiness already settling in your voice. “I have to tell you something.”

A beat passes and as you go to continue, Clay beats you to it. “My mother is dead.”

Your eyes widen at his words. “How-How do you know that?”

He closes his eyes and takes a breath before saying, “I know everything. About Jack, Puttnam, and Penny. About-About Sam.” Pain crosses Clay’s features, but you’d bet anything that this time it isn’t physical. “When I was under, I wasn’t actually asleep. I don’t know how to describe it other than saying it was an out of body experience. I saw everything, heard everything, felt everything.”

“Oh, Clay,” you sigh, your heart breaking at his words. Immediately you know what he’s referring to. Intraoperative awareness is rare, and to think Clay was experiencing it during one of the worst possible surgeries and during one of the worst possible times absolutely blows your mind. What did he ever do to deserve this?

“What do you remember last?” You ask him. You don’t want to push Clay, but you need to know if there’s any gaps you need to fill in for him. Does he know he’s safe? Does he know everyone who tried to hurt him last night is never going to get near him again?

“The last thing I remember is talking to my mother,” he says it almost as a whisper and the sound nearly brings tears to your eyes. “She told me what she did, what she asked you to do. I get why she did it, but God, I just—“

Clay cuts himself off, tears beginning to fall from his eyes and down his pale cheeks. The sight tears you in two and causes tears of your own to fall.

“I’m so sorry, Clay.” Your voice cracks, the ability to hide any emotion completely disappearing. You reach out and brush away some of Clay’s tears with your thumb. The man practically melts into your touch and you find yourself wanting nothing more than to just wrap him in your arms and tell him it’s all gonna be okay.

“Did the cops catch them all, at least?” There’s resentment in his tone that you don’t blame him for at all. You can’t even begin to imagine the betrayal he must feel right now.

“Every single one of them. They’re all on their way to the station right now if they’re not already there. The evidence is solid, they’re never gonna see the light of day again and if they do it’ll be when they’re old and gray. You’re safe, Clay. I promise you that.”

The businessman nods his head and you can see him relax a little bit more. Silence settles over the two of you again, but it’s comfortable. Clay has also retaken ahold of your hand and this time he’s the one rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

Even though he’s the one that’s been through hell, he’s trying to comfort you. The thought makes you chuckle lightly and Clay smiles at the sound.

“Before all the doctors and cops realize I’m awake and start flooding in, I just wanted to say thank you and I’m sorry.” The blue-eyed man looks at you sincerely and you find yourself trying to hold back a frown.

“Clay, you don’t have to thank me for anything, and you have nothing to be sorry for. You had no control over what happened to you, over what these people did to you and your family.”

“I know, but you also didn’t have to get wrapped up in it. I should never have asked you to stay earlier. You were going home and I should’ve respected that and let you go. And my mother asking you to look after me? It’s too much, you don’t deserve—“

“Clay Beresford, stop it right now. Don’t you dare feel guilty about anything. No one forced me to stay here and no one forced me to accept what your mother was asking of me. I did it all on my own. The first time we spoke I told you that no matter what I’d be here for you, in whatever way you may need me, and I meant that. No matter what happened or no matter what will happen, I’m here for you and I don’t want you to ever feel like that’s a burden on me. That you’re a burden on me. We met for a reason and even though what’s happened after that is horrible, I will never take that for granted. I care about you, Clay, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

Clay just lays there and smiles up at you, reveling in the passionate look on your face and in your eyes. He saw it yesterday when you guys met and talked about his fears and thoughts on the surgery. He admires your ability to speak your mind and stand up for what you believe in and how you feel. People like you are rare to him, and he feels incredibly lucky to have found you.

“You don’t know how badly I wish I could hug you right now.” The two of you burst into laughter but Clay’s laughs are suddenly cut short when he groans at the ache in his chest. “Ugh, I’m definitely not gonna get used to that.”

You try to tame your laughter, not wanting to trigger Clay to start laughing and hurt himself again. “Trust me when I say it’ll get better…eventually.”

Clay smirks before sighing, his eyes finding yours. “Seriously, though. Thank you for everything. I can’t imagine not having you by my side right now or what would’ve happened if I didn’t have that conversation with you yesterday. I hope you know how much I appreciate you, no matter how little time we’ve known each other.”

Heat rises up your neck and into your cheeks at his kind words. To think this is where you’ve found yourself when you didn’t even personally know this man twenty-four hours ago. It’s funny how life works sometimes. “You’re welcome, Clay. I appreciate you too.”

As if on cue, there’s a knock on the door and not a second later Dr. Neyers walks in, clipboard in hand. “Good morning, Clayton. We have a lot to discuss.”

Clay nods his head and the two of you share a look. Clay would never say it, but you know he thinks it’s best if he handles this part on his own. He and Neyers have a lot to go over and you’re sure the officers that were walking around the hall earlier will be in to speak with him soon as well. You’ll be here when he needs you, though. You always will.

“I’m gonna go grab something from the cafeteria. I’ll be back, but call me if you need me.” Clay nods his head and you quickly grab his cellphone from the table before placing it next to his hand. That way he won’t have to try and reach for it if he does need you before you get back.

Dr. Neyers gives you a small smile before you walk out of the room and close the door behind you. The click of the door handle fills the silence of the empty hallway and you find yourself grateful for it. You were worried your coworkers would be standing around waiting for any and all updates on Clay, and more specifically you and Clay.

When you were making your way to Clay’s room after the surgery, you caught a few of the nurses and other residents whispering to each other in the hall, no doubt trying to figure out why you’re suddenly involved in Clay’s case. You definitely can’t wait to see what the story is when you come back to work tomorrow. This hospital sure is gossipy.

The walk to the cafeteria is peaceful, though, and that’s only broken when your phone starts buzzing in your bag. You reach in and grab it and nearly laugh out loud at the message on your screen.

Jill:

Umm why did I just overhear people talking about you being here all night with Clay!? What happened, is he okay??? And why are there cops all over the place??? Fill me in on everything!!!

Oh, God, you think. Where do I even begin?

[bloatedandalone04]

Bring in the New Year - Part 2

➪the one where you and hayden enter a new year together.

Warnings: swearing, smut, fluff, unprotected sex, public sex, hair pulling, marking, alcohol consumption, soft dom hayden

Word Count: 2.6k | Part 1

Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡ | HAPPY NEW YEAR !

The loud music was almost deafening, and Hayden started looking for the nearest exit so he could escape the noise. 

He pushed his way through the crowd of people, receiving a few light slaps to his back as he neared the sliding glass door. While this wasn’t his first New Years party, not by a long shot, he still felt a bit anxious about how many people were around him.

A family friend of his had thrown the party at his new apartment that was on the twenty fourth floor of the building, and of course Hayden was invited to it. He wasn’t much of a party fan, but didn’t mind that this was his second one this month, the first one being the Christmas Eve party. 

Once he was out on the balcony and set his drink aside, he braced his hands on the railing and took a few deep breaths. It was the end of one of the best years of his life; he moved into a house instead of looking at another apartment, he got engaged and he got a dog. 

He accomplished so much, and he was beyond excited to see what the new year brings. 

The balcony was abandoned except for him, and the dark sky looked beautiful in contrast to the tall, lit-up buildings that surrounded this one. The small light above the sliding door was dimmed, basking the surrounding area in darkness, and he was sure that no one inside was paying attention to him. 

Well, maybe one person was.

The door opening and closing and the sound of heels walking towards him was all Hayden could hear, so he wasn’t caught off guard by the pair of arms that abruptly wrapped around his waist from behind. He didn’t need to hear your voice to know it was you as your vanilla perfume was more than enough for him to be able to relax in your embrace. 

You run your nose along the back of his neck before kissing behind his ear, your heels allowing you to actually reach him since he was a lot taller than you when you weren’t wearing them. “Baby,” you hummed, running your hands up and down his front. 

Hayden leaned back against you, pressing his back to your chest as he turned his head to look at you. “Hi, sweet girl,” he greeted you, placing his hands over yours that were resting on his abdomen. “Are you having fun?”

You hum again, kissing his cheek now that he gave you easier access to it. “I’m having fun trying out all the drinks in your friend’s alcohol cabinet,” you answer as you press your body closer to his. “I just missed my fiancé, missed my man.”

He could hear the seductiveness in your voice and knew all the drinking and dancing you’ve been doing since the two of you arrived had put you in the mood. Still, he was raised to be a gentleman. “Your man, huh?” He laughed, turning his head a bit more so he could look at your eyes. “Are you drunk, pretty girl?”

You give him a sheepish smile as you shake your head, running the tip of your nose along his jaw afterwards. “No,” you answer, raking your hands up his arms and gripping his biceps. “I’ve only had a few sips here and there.” 

Hayden’s lips break out into a grin as he turns around completely and brings his hands up to either side of your face. His thumbs trace the curve of your jaw as he leans in and connects your lips in a searing kiss. 

You return the kiss with a sense of need, gripping the side of his neck with one hand while the other tangles in his hair. You run your tongue along his bottom lip before pulling away and walking backwards, tugging him along with you as you pick up his discarded drink. 

Bringing the rim of the glass to your lips, you sip on the drink while keeping eye contact with him. You swallow and lick the access booze from your red lips as you hand him the drink, and you watch with dark eyes as he finishes it off and sets it down again. He had a much higher tolerance to alcohol than you did, so he was nowhere near being drunk, despite him having more to drink than you did.

You press your lips together as you pull your hand from his and tug his shirt free from where he had tucked it into his jeans. Hayden laughs under his breath as he stares down at you, both your and his hair blowing in the cool wind. “C’mon, baby,” he coaxed, taking your chin in between his thumb and index finger. “Let’s go back to the party. We can say goodbye and then I’ll take you home.”

His own words sounded good to him, but you just shake your head and pull him with you to the dark corner of the balcony that was a few feet from the glass sliding door. If Hayden moved a step or two to his left, he would be able to clearly see into the apartment, but you didn’t seem to care at all. “I want you, Hayden,” you mumbled, your fingers beginning to unbutton his white dress shirt. “Here, now. Right now.”

Your lips peppered kisses along the base of his throat, then you trailed your mouth down to his chest. “You’re something else,” he comments as he braces his forearm against the wall above your head. He takes your left hand in his right one and observes a certain finger that had recently accepted a ring. “Ever since I put a ring on you, you’ve been so needy for me.”

You whine as you press a kiss to his lips, slipping your arms around his body and running your hands down his bare back. “Can you blame me?” You asked, lifting one leg and wrapping it around his waist. “You want to spend the rest of your life with me, how can I not want you all the time after you asked me to marry you?”

Hayden laughed, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt but leaving it on. “I told you a long time ago that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you,” he pointed out, bunching up the fabric of your silver dress. “A ring really made it clear to you?”

You grin up at him. “Yes,” you answer, wrapping your arms around his neck as he presses his front to yours. “You want me to be your wife. I’m gonna be your wife.”

He laughs again, kissing along your exposed shoulder. “It’s all hitting you now, huh? Are you sure you’re not drunk?” He teased and you shook your head again. 

“I just love you so fucking much,” you reply, clinging onto him by his shirt and hair. “And I want you so bad.”

Hayden effortlessly picks you up, making you squeal a bit as you hold onto him. “Right now?” He asked, knowing damn well what your answer is. You glance over to your left and feel your heartbeat quicken at the height you are currently at, and the fact that your feet were no longer touching the ground had your grip on him tightening. “Right here?”

Though you were a tad scared to have no real grip on anything other than him right now, and the fact that your life is literally in his hands as you were a mere few inches from the railing, the thrill of it all only added to your lust. You nod and bite your lip, your mouth quickly being covered by his afterwards. “Right here,” you confirm against his lips. “Please, Hayden, fuck me right where anyone can see.” 

Hayden cursed under his breath, gripping the backs of your thighs and pressing his hard-on against your core. “You’re filthy, you know that?” He muttered as he pulled your dress up above your hips. “You want me to fuck you when any one of our friends could walk out and see us?”

Really, the people inside should be the last of his concerns as anyone in the surrounding buildings would easily be able to see you if they were to simply glance out their windows, but he really didn’t care much. 

“And don’t stop even if they do,” you challenge him, earning a throaty groan from him. “Please, baby, I need you so bad.”

He knew that. He could feel the damp spot on your panties as he pushed them aside and gently sunk two of his fingers knuckle-deep into your welcoming heat. “I’ll fuck you,” he stated, not surprised that you had completely turned him on without even really trying. He came out here to get some air and to be away from the craziness, and now here he is; a mere few seconds away from fucking you against the wall of his friend’s new balcony. 

“Please,” you whimpered, tangling your hands in his hair that was quickly becoming messier by the minute. 

“I’ll take care of you,” he promised, bracing your body against his thigh as he unzipped his jeans. Once he freed himself, he pressed you right up against the wall and wrapped your legs securely around his waist before teasing your clit with his tip. “I always do, don’t I?”

You nod desperately, bucking up against him at the barely-there friction he was creating. “You do, Hayden,” you fed into his ego without a care in the world. “Always fuck me so good.”

He grinned at you, his usually sweet and sometimes shy girl who had turned into a needy and desperate mess for him. You wanted him so bad, and he was more than happy to give himself to you whenever you ambushed him like this. 

If you needed him in the middle of a party on a twenty fourth floor balcony, then so be it. 

“Hold onto me, baby,” he ordered and you obliged immediately, locking your ankles together and grabbing a firm hold on his shoulders. You moan as soon as he enters you, your walls taking every inch of him until he bottoms out. 

“Fuck,” you curse under your breath, looking down at where you two connected. As he began to slowly fuck into you, proving that he also didn’t really care much for being quick so you weren’t caught, you bite down harshly on your kiss swollen lip. “Oh, fuck.”

Hayden leaned in and sucked a mark onto the skin of your collarbone, your strapless dress giving him perfect access to every inch of your shoulders. “You’re so tight,” he grunted, wondering how you managed to stay as tight as you were the first time he took you like this. No matter how many times he fucks you, your walls stay impossibly tight and have to stretch around him every single time. “So good for me.”

“Hayden,” you moan a bit louder, clinging onto him tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he instantly says back, holding your hips in a firm grip as he practically fucks you into the wall. “Love you so much. You’re so good, letting me fuck you like this when we could get caught at any second.”

It was true. The door wasn’t locked, and there were hundreds of people in that apartment. He could hear them every time they passed by the balcony, and you both knew that any one of them could easily walk out and catch you in the sinful act you are currently taking part in. 

“We’re gonna miss the countdown because you couldn’t wait until we got home to jump on me,” he teased and your face burned in a deep blush. He says that, but really is just as bad as you are. He had gotten hard as soon as your mouth touched his, and he knew he would’ve been walking around the party with you pressed to his front so he could hide his erection if he didn’t take care of it now. 

Though you were quickly beginning to lose yourself in his quick and hard thrusts, you were still coherent enough to say, “You want me, too, don’t even try that right now,”

Hayden laughs, kissing the mark he left on your shoulder before meeting your lust-filled gaze. “Of course I want you,” he rasped. “I want you all the time, baby.”

You moaned loudly and though he knew it wasn’t likely that you could be heard over the loud music, Hayden still looked over and glanced inside the apartment.

The guests were still chatting amongst themselves and seemed to not notice the absence of the two of you, making Hayden smirk as he quickened his pace. While no one was aware of what you were doing, he still had to be a bit quick about it as it was nearing twelve in the morning, and as soon as the new year began, he knew people would start looking for him and you. 

With your back pressed up against the wall and your front pressed up against his chest, you were powerless as you squirmed in his arms. Your hand grips the back of his head and you connect your lips in a deep kiss. “I’m close,” you warn as you clench helplessly around him. 

“Already?” He mocked and you blushed even more. “You really did need me, huh?”

“Hayden,” you whine, trying to buck your hips and meet his thrusts, but you were only able to move a couple of inches. “Don’t tease me.”

“‘M not teasing you, sweet girl,” he promised, kissing you softly for further effect. “I’m giving you what you need, aren’t I?”

You nod quickly, gripping him tighter just as you hear the guests begin to countdown from ten. “Hayden,” you moan, raking your hands through his hair as your high quickly approaches. “Come with me, baby.”

Hayden groans quietly, your relentless pulling on his hair making his own high creep closer. “Is that what you want?” He asked, sliding his hands higher so they’re gripping your ass. “You want to come together?”

You nod again, clenching tightly around him as the guests chant out a ‘five, four, three,’. 

“Come on then, baby,” he crooned, his tip brushing against your sweet spot with every thrust. “Come with me, come for me.”

You moan loudly as you do just that, clamping down around him as you come hard and fast. Your warmth floods around him, coaxing Hayden’s release as well. He lets out a string of deep groans as he continues to fuck you through your highs, the loud cheering from inside as the new year began being tuned out almost completely. 

You practically fall limp in his arms as he gently sets you down, his grip on you never faltering as he holds you steady on your shaky legs. Both your and his hair were a mess, and your lips were wet and puffy, but you both wore dumb grins on your faces at what you just did. 

Hayden pulls your dress back down as you button his shirt up with nearly numb fingers, and you couldn’t help but joke at the event that had just taken place. “Now we can say we started our year with a bang,” you say and Hayden rolls his eyes as he smooths out his hair and wipes away the lipstick that had smudged on your chin. “Happy New Year.”

He smiles at that, leaning down to kiss you. “Happy New Year, sweet girl,” he said back, taking your hand in his once you were both looking presentable again.

[ofmdrecaps]

08/20-21/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Con O'Neill; Samson Kayo; Samba Schutte; Nathan Foad; Madeleine Sami; Guz Khan; Lindsey Cantrell Tim Heidecker; Articles; GalaxyConRaleigh Video; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; Never Left Podcast; Love Notes;

Hey crew, sorry I've been swamped with work/life again.. I swear I'll get back on track again one of these days. 8/22 will be up tonight or tomorrow.

== Rhys Darby ==

Reminder! Aug 28 is Rhys' episode of Expedition X!

Source: Moosh's Twitter

== Taika Waititi ==

Taika headed out of Italy!

Source: Instagram

Taika's in A LOT of the new episodes of Time Bandits (the season finales!) You can check them out on Apple TV!

Img Src: Collider Article

== Con O'Neill ==

Con's relaxing on vacation!

Source: Con O'Neill's Instagram

== Samson Kayo ==

Source: Samson Kayo's Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Advanced Chemistry is opening on September 12 and Samba has been kind enough to share lots of available links!

Laemmle Santa Monica

Wellington Delaware

Source: Samba Schutte's Instagram

You can also checkout the official full trailer here!

== Nathan Foad ==

Voyage of the Damned -- narrated by our fabulous Nathan Foad is finally out in North America! You can access it here.

Source: Audible.com

== Madeleine Sami ==

More of Mads and the Deadloch ladies out at the TV Week Logie Awards!

Source: Madeleine Sami's Instagram

== Guz Khan ==

Just a side view of Guz

Source: Guz Khan's Instagram

== Linds Cantrell ==

Linds was giving off some feels, her current project turned on OFMD for her!

Source: Lindsey Cantrell's Instagram

== Tim Heidecker ==

Our beloved Doug NoLastName is going to be touring! For tickets checkout https://linktr.ee/tim.heidecker!

Source: Tim Heidecker's Twitter

== Galaxy Con Raleigh Panel ==

Didn't get to go to GalaxyCon in Raleigh? Well you can access the OFMD Panel on Youtube! Sounds like the Livestream of San Jose will be up one of these days too!

Source: @JimJim531969

== Articles ==

Thank you @adoptourcrew for highlighting more articles!

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

I am SO VERY behind on the cast cards from the lovely @melvisik who's been keeping them rolling! I'll try catch up on a bunch of them tonight!

First up is Abigail Swain, and Zhanda P., some of the Stunt performers / Action Talent! (According to ofmd-crew.com!)

Next up is the fabulous Hilda Rasula, one of our Series Editors from Season 1!

Next is another "civilian", Ellenette W.!

And who could forget Jeffrey Kushon, one of our fantastic Set Decorators!

Stacy Bisel was one of the Hair Co-Department Heads! Now this is super cool, @melvisik has given us some BTS to go along with some of the cast cards today! Check out her work with Buttons below!

And who could forget One of Jackie's Husbands, Hayden Bryant! Lots of BTS pics below as well!

Last tonight is a multi-job master Zak Enayat, who was workeding as both and actor and costumer according to ofmd-crew.com! You can see him working on the Calypso costume below!

Source: @melvisik's Twitter

== Never Left Podcast ==

New episode of Never Left Podcast is out! The theme of this one is birds! Check out the latest on your favorite listening platforms here!

Source: Never Left Podcast Instagram

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies! Do you know what time it is? It's time for you to take a second and remind yourself how frickn brilliant you are!

You just keep facing every day and keep going! EVERY SINGLE DAY! (Sure you might sleep in or something) but you still manage to face the day in whatever capacity you are able to (physically or mentally)!

It can be so very hard sometimes just to start your day-- but you're still doing it, no matter what you're facing!

I'm so proud of you for that, and you should be proud of yourself too! Even when things are tough, you're still doing little things, (or big things) to keep moving forward.

It might seem like something so small- but it means the world to people who love you, that you are still here and you are still with us. Remember that you are beautiful, and brilliant, and strong enough, even when you feel at your worst!

Love you crew <3 Rest up and keep on keep'n on!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by My Self-Love Supply™ (@myselflovesupply)

[xerith-42]

Glenda

Remember Glenda? No you don't, only I do because The Tragedy of Cadenza Zvahl haunts me in my every waking moment.

Here's an entire essay about a character who shows up in a grand total of... I think 5 episodes? And yet she has one of the greatest and most forgotten impacts on the narrative.

For those of you who need a quick refresher, Glenda is Hayden's head guard in Meteli, first introduced in episode 26 of the first season, along with all the other Meteli characters. She's initially shown as a pretty strict, no nonsense guard. But in episode 27 we get to see her open up. At the time Cadenza is missing, and Glenda expresses great worry for her safety and says the following line

(sorry for how dark this is I took the screenie on my phone at like midnight)

So uhm. That's a bit of a big deal right off the bat, right? Cadenza is an orphan. Just before this Hayden speaks about how he found Cadenza picking flowers next to a burning village, about how she lost everyone and he took her in. And while Hayden acted as her father, Glenda acted as her mother. Cadenza had a mother.

This is where things get a bit... Mirky. I think a lot of us forget this, but Cadenza and Laurance being siblings isn't something that's revealed until [checks my notes] Episode 54. Which might not seem like a big deal, but Laurance has multiple conversations between episodes 26-40 (he dies in ep 40) about Cadenza, about growing up in Meteli, conversations where he could have said something, anything to indicate that Cadenza is his sister. But he doesn't.

He doesn't refer to Hayden as "our dad", he never refers to Glenda as Mom (which I'll get into later), he doesn't even say the phrase "Cadenza is like a sister to me" until AFTER they've both undergone their transformations. Me personally if I was the head guard of the swamp village, my sister goes missing, and my dad and her not boyfriend start fighting about it, and then some random woman shows up to help, I'd mention to the woman that this missing girl is my sister and this is a family affair. But Laurance... Doesn't.

This makes me think that them being siblings is an idea that came to the writers at some point after Laurance was introduced, but before he came back from the Nether. But this idea was either never incorporated, or they decided to put off incorporating it until after Laurance made his redesigned return.

Who knows. All I know is that Laurance and Cadenza were not intended to be siblings at first, and later retconned into that. And that's fine! They're not related, they're both adopted orphans, it's totally fine to make this retroactive change. But this change is important to remember regarding Glenda.

Yeah that's still who this post is about but there's so little to say that I padded it out with my whole tangent about the Zvahl family retcon. Anyways, Glenda, like everyone in Cadenza's family, is incredibly protective of her daughter, and clearly worried for her safety. This worry doesn't extend to... Doing anything, but that's because Aphmau had to show up and main character her way through things.

But it does lead to criticizing Aphmau when she seemingly fails as a main character. Aphmau does know where Cadenza is and knows that she's safe, but she lies to Hayden and Kenmur about it so they don't hurt Castor, and Glenda is PISSED. Not only because Aphmau promised she'd find Cadenza and failed, but she took one of their swords the last time she was in Meteli too! The disrespect of this woman! And she's the Lord of Phoenix Drop?! How low has this world gotten...?

Anyways the next time we see Glenda she's debating if she'll sign her life away. Now... I could go on about The Oath for... [glances at Oathbreakers word count] a while. But I'll try to keep it brief and focused on Glenda, who it actually has the most direct impact on. In episode 42 Garroth makes all the guards signing an oath swearing that they will take their own lives before they become a Shadow Knight and kill their lord, or to prevent themselves from doing so as a result of Shadow influences.

And while everyone else at the guard meeting is largely down with this, Glenda isn't. She's hesitant. Unsure. We don't get an explanation as to why in the episode, at least not the true one. But there are two things we can get from her. One, her eye color has changed. Which Aphmau doesn't notice at all or even comment on.

Two, she jumps immediately to leaving Hayden's guard, but stops herself because Cadenza is missing. And that's all that she says on it. Because after that, Glenda quits her job. She abandons the guard and we don't even hear about that happening until EPISODE 86. WE GO A FULL 44 EPISODES WITHOUT HER HAVING ANY RELEVANCE TO THE PLOT OR MENTION BY ANY CHARACTERS WHO KNEW HER LIKE I DUNNO

HER DAUGHTER???

And when she comes back in episode 86 we get the big reveal that Glenda was actually a Shadow Knight! And she framed Castor for murder all so she could draw Cadenza out, get her alone, kidnap her, and then sacrifice her to open a Nether portal and presumably return home.

There's a lot of questions this whole series of events raises, but not a single one of them are answered. I'm not even being hyperbolic, once Cadenza wakes up she is (understandably) more focused on the fact that her dad is alive and getting him back to safety. But she doesn't say anything about Glenda, doesn't give any sign of grieving or insight on the matter to Aphmau, she doesn't seem to care because her dad is safe.

The only details we're given are from Laurance, but these also raise questions. He says that Glenda must have become a Shadow Knight "at some point", and quit Hayden's guard because she planned to kill him to gain immortality. But... If that was the case, why fake his death? Why not have him actually be fully murdered with all the other evidence still stacked against Castor? Why not kill him, get immortality, and then kidnap your daughter and try to sacrifice her. Is it because she still cares about Hayden? Is it because she doesn't want to hurt Cadenza? She's about to kill her so I doubt it's that.

So much just doesn't add up with Glenda, so much that I have a never ending series of questions. When did she become a Shadow Knight? Was it in the Nether when they left Sasha behind? Was it before that? Did she go on that mission to save Hayden as a Shadow Knight and somehow not blow her cover? Or was it after that, in the brief window of time between Sasha coming back and Cadenza going missing, that she somehow ended up dead, in the Nether, and then back in the over world without raising an eyebrow? Or was she a Shadow Knight the whole time? Did Cadenza spend her entire childhood being raised by one?? Will I ever get answers as to any details regarding Cadenza's childhood outside of Laurance?! (The answer to that one is no)

But then one question made me really stop and think. One that matters more than any questions if lore, or continuity, or a series of events to follow.

Did the writers remember that they made Glenda Cadenza's mom?

And let's be clear, it's not like, a sin if they forgot. I'm a writer and I forget my own plotlines all the time. I go back through my drafts and other chapters all the time to make sure I'm maintaining at least some semblance of continuity, and I know that in a world as big and full of characters as this one, some details are going to get left behind or forgotten.

But it is mad disappointing because if the writers did remember that Glenda was a maternal figure to Cadenza, then they would also then realize that every member of her family has been either killed by shadow knights, nearly killed by shadow knights, or become shadow knights. Every. Single. One.

If Glenda was able to properly be Cadenza's mother there's a wellspring of character work to go down. It's never directly stated where Cadenza learned to sew from, so what if she learned it from her mother? One of her greatest forms of self expression is seemingly forever tainted with the presence of the monster who took the place of the mother who taught her everything she knows.

And how does Laurance feel about all this? He never refers to Glenda as a mother, even after he starts tossing around the Dad word around Hayden. It gives a sign that maybe Glenda didn't have an interest in raising Laurance, perhaps that while Hayden and Joh may have had some kind of co-parenting or gay marriage set up, Glenda was exclusively focused on being the mother of Cadenza. Or maybe she tried but Laurance pushed her away and she never tried hard enough. Maybe Laurance rejects the idea that he can have a mother. A father can be replaced, but a mother? Nobody can replace the woman who nearly gave her life just to bring him into this world. No one.

As it is in canon, Glenda is a footnote in Cadenza's tragedy. Just another shadow creature that tried to hurt Cadenza, without a proper recognition of just how significant her betrayal is. If Glenda's status as Cadenza's Mother was used to its fullest effect, we could have a family tragedy to surpass the Ro'Meave's, one where a single girl can be at the center of so much shadow and still barely manage to be a beacon of light in the darkness, even if her own family tries to kill her.

I've just. I dunno I've been thinking about Glenda a lot recently

[mrschristensen]

Crossdressing - Stephen Glass

WARNINGS: smut (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK), female s/o, switch Stephen/switch s/o, crossdressing, body/pussy worship, oral (f receiving), sex toys, female masturbation, bondage (handcuffs), pet names/name calling (baby, baby boy), mommy kink, facesitting (m receiving), ass eating (m receiving), balls sucking, begging, lmk if I missed any!

-> note: Based on a j.ai bot! (I can't find the link) THIS WAS SO SEXY TO WRITE AAAA (crossdressing with subby Hayden characters has kinda grown on me...)

WC: 2,192 words

Stephen wanted attention, and he wanted it bad. However, he couldn't get any right now. He was being given the silent treatment, and it killed him. He took out his plug when she wasn't looking, so now he was getting punished for it.

He sat in the kitchen chair as he watched her prepare dinner, his fists gripping his baby pink dress that he wore. His cock was painfully throbbing in his panties, but he refused to relieve the ache; he couldn't, or he'd get punished even more.

"Mama?" he called out to her, squirming in his seat.

"Mama," he repeats almost in a whimper, feeling his eyes starting to well up with tears. He hated being ignored like this. He'd much rather be spanked, edged, or fucked for hours until he couldn't do anything anymore. He liked it anyways, even if it hurt, so he'd very much prefer that.

He lets out a little sob, "Mama!"

And yet, she still didn't respond, still making the food in the kitchen. She wasn't even sparing him a glance, and it was the worst form of torture he could ever receive.

Before he could notice, hot tears streamed down his rosy cheeks, and he let out another choked sob. He felt so pathetic, sitting there in his pretty pink dress, his panties riding up his hips.

"Please, Mama, please forgive me," he whimpers, "I'm sorry for taking it out, I won't do it again... I promise! I swear I'll be a good boy! Just please don't ignore me like this... It hurts so much..."

His head drooped down, his curls interfering with his glasses. He felt so ashamed of himself. "Please, Mama... I'll do anything you want..."

It was silent for a few moments before she lifted his chin and making him jolt a bit, now right in front of him. "Awh, poor baby..." she coos, wiping his tears. "You're such a good boy for me, aren't you? Wanna hump Mama so bad, huh?"

His breath hitches, and he couldn't deny that he'd like that a lot. However, he'd take just about anything she'd want to give him. "Yes, Mama," he breathes, "I... I want to hump you. Can I hump your leg? Please, Mama? I'll do it so good for you, I promise."

She smiles a bit. "Not yet," she starts, "come on, baby." She walks towards the bedroom, expecting him to follow.

His heart races with anticipation, scrambling off the chair and stumbling a bit in his high heels, following her eagerly. The click-clack of his heels echoed through the house, giving off his whereabouts.

His dick was so excited right now, it could probably rip the delicate fabric at this point. He wanted to touch himself so bad, or for her to touch him, yeah, that's way better; but he knows better than to do so without permission, especially since he was being punished.

"Sit," she commands gently, gesturing to the chair that was a few feet away from their bed. Once he was seated, she moved to grab some handcuffs from the drawer and restrained his wrists behind his back, effectively keeping him to the chair.

"I'm not going to be punishing you," she begins. "However..."

She slowly, teasingly takes off her clothes (which was just a comfy shirt and shorts), leaving her in the black lace lingerie he so loves on her. "...I'm going to torture you."

She gets on the bed, spreading her legs and moving her panties off, revealing her soaked cunt. Stephen's breath catches in his throat and his eyes widen slightly at the sight, licking his lips as his cock throbs painfully in the confines of his panties. He squirms in the chair, though it wasn't too much movement because of the handcuffs. He's trying to get closer to her, to soak up every single detail of her goddess-like body.

"Oh, Mama," he moans, his eyes still glued to her pussy, "you're so beautiful, so perfect. I want to taste you, please..." He knows better than to beg, but he can't help himself. She's just so beautiful, so divine, that he can't help but beg anyways.

"No," she responds simply, moving to open the drawer and grabbing a vibrator. She then turns it on, putting it on her clit and moaning softly at the contact. Her other hand unclasps her bra, her full, perky tits spilling out and moves down to her cunt, two fingers entering her and pounding her fast.

Stephen whimpers softly at the scene before him, wanting to feel her at least a little bit and help her reach the release she so desperately craved. It was erotic, alluring to him, even though it was practically torture.

For now, though, he can only watch, shamelessly trying to hump the chair to get at least some friction on his cock. He's unsuccessful, though, and he can't help but be frustrated.

"Ugh... This is so much better than your fingers, Stevie," she tells him tauntingly. It really wasn't better than your fingers, and you knew that, but she would never admit it, at least not right now.

She turned the vibrator on the highest setting, making her moan a bit louder, spreading her legs wider in almost a spread eagle position, her fingers thrusting into her gaping hole at a merciless pace. "I'm gonna cum," she whines, throwing her head back.

His eyes widen as she moans, his body shaking with need as he doesn't take his eyes off of what's happening in front of him. It was agonizing, the fact he could only watch and not be the one to make her cum. He loved pleasing her, he wanted to please her, and yet she was taking her fingers instead of his own.

When she announces she's going to cum, his breaths come out in sharp, short gasps. "Cum for me, Mama," he manages to breath out, his hips rocking against the chair. "Cum all over your fingers, show me how good it feels."

His cock was leaking steadily into his panties, so close to the edge over just watching her and humping the chair like a dog. He couldn't help himself, just a desperate little whore who only wanted to cum.

When she hears him commanding her, she stops completely, turning off the vibrator and her fingers leaving her entrance with a soft pop. "Mmm... I don't think I deserve it," she says, letting out a sigh. "But oh my God, I want it so bad..."

Stephen's heart sinks as she stops fingering herself, letting out a whine as his member twitches in disappointment. She was torturing herself too, it seems, knowing she could simply make herself cum if she wanted to. However, it was never as good as when he did it, she knew that deep down. It didn't get her off as good, it never did.

It's silent for a moment before she speaks again. "Fine," she says, leaning over and swiftly undoing the handcuffs with one hand before leaning back again, pointing to her clit. "Kiss."

His eyes light up with excitement, scrambling off the chair and almost tripping in his heels as he eagerly makes his way to the bed.

"Yes, Mama," he breathes as he crawls between her legs. He can smell her arousal, almost taste it even, the scent intoxicating. He gently parts her folds with his fingers, revealing her swollen, puffy, glistening clit.

"You deserve it, Mama," he says softly, before leaning in and placing a tender kiss to the nub. He holds the kiss for a moment, his lips soft and warm against her sensitive flesh.

"Mmm," he hums, the vibrations sending a shiver through her body. He pulls back slightly, his eyes meeting hers. "More?" he asks, seeking her approval before continuing.

"Yes, she pants, her head tilting back a bit. It was so sexy to him how quickly she crumbled underneath him, going from being dominant to submissive in mere seconds. "Just kiss..."

He smiles softly, his eyes shining with adoration as he leans in and places another gentle kiss on her clit. He lingers once more, savoring the taste of her before pulling back to look at her face.

"Is this okay, Mama?" he asks softly, his fingers lightly tracing her inner thigh. She nods, and he smiles wider, leaning in and placing a line of soft, open-mouthed kisses along her slit. He avoids her clit for now, focusing on her labia, her entrance, anywhere but the most sensitive part.

"Mmm, Mama," he murmurs between kisses, eyes fluttering closed in pleasure and breath hot against her skin. "You taste so good, so perfect. I love kissing your pretty little clit."

He alternates between soft, gentle kisses and firmer, more insistent ones. He's careful not to use his teeth, not to do anything that she didn't tell him to do.

She moans in pleasure, her fingers tangling in his curls. "You're so perfect, Stevie," she breathes out, looking down at him.

She came pretty quickly, just a small gesture making her orgasm so intensely, and he reveled in it. "Lick me clean," she whimpers as she cums, and he eagerly laps at her juices, licking up every last drop.

"So pretty for me..." she pants as she comes down from her high, "you want a reward, baby boy? For bein' so good for me?"

His heart races in anticipation, nuzzling his face against her inner thigh and placing a soft kiss on her skin. "Yes, thank you, Mama," he says, "I've been so good for you, I've done everything you asked. Please, Mama, may I have a reward?"

Her pussy is absolutely throbbing at the sight of him; it's just so sexy to her, he's so sexy to her. "Awh, baby... You want it so bad, huh?" she asks, sitting up and leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

She reaches over to the nightstand, opening a drawer and pulling something out. She keeps it hidden, though, making sure he can't see it. "Turn around f'me, Stevie."

With a nod, he carefully turns around on the bed and gets rid of his panties, presenting his ass to her.

She smiles, "C'mon, you can do better than that, baby... Show it off, spread it, shake it a little," she coaxes, "show me how bad you want it, how desperate you are. Show me how much of a whore you are."

He eagerly responded, reaching back with his hands, gripping his ass cheeks and spreading them apart as wide as he can, exposing his tight, pink hole. He's presenting himself as an offering, a gift for her to use as she sees fit.

He starts to shake and wiggle his ass, his cheeks giggling and bouncing obscenely. He's lost in the moment, lost in his own desperation and need. He just wants to be good for her, to be the perfect toy for her to play with.

"Please, Mama," he begs, "I'm your whore, use me, fill me... Please."

He keeps going, continuing to plead. "I'm your slut, Mama," he gasps, his hips rocking back and forth, "your filthy, desperate whore." He's babbling now, the words pouring out of him in a desperate torrent.

She hums in content, leaning back. "I think you wanna be worshipped just as much, huh..." he murmurs. "...You wanna sit on my face, pretty boy? Suffocate me with your ass?"

His eyes widen slightly and he nods eagerly, "Yes, Mama!"

She smiles, laying down again. "C'mon, baby. Sit on me."

With a shaky breath, he crawls on top of her, straddling her face witrh his legs. "Thank you, Mama," he breathes out before slowly lowering himself onto her face.

She hums as she feels his asshole on her lips, pressing kisses to it and eventually licking it worshipfully. Her hands rested on his thighs, keeping him in place as he devoured him.

He gasps as he feels her eating out his ass, eventually humping her face like a dog in heat. "Oh, Mama," he whines, "feels so good, so perfect. Your tongue is like magic, like it was made just for me... Please don't stop!"

She feels him getting close, and she moves her face a bit, sucking and licking his balls. He moans loudly at the sensation, his hips bucking a bit. She then grabs the item from earlier and quickly inserts it into his ass; it was a plug, a big one at that. He whimpers, and he cries out as she turns it on, the vibrations on the highest setting.

She continued to suck his balls quickly and hard, and he was already at the edge. "Can I cum, Mama?" he asks shakily, "Please!"

"Cum for me," she gasps before latching onto his balls again, and he lets out a high pitched moan as his seed spurts out of his dick, coating her tits in the ropes of his seed.

"Thank you, Mama," he babbles as he comes down from his high, his hips bucking as he emptied his load. It was, arguably, one of the best orgasms he's ever had.

[deltasimaginaryland]

Underworld Office headcanons!

(UwO exclusive, haven't played CiU yet)

★Sometimes, when the situation calls for it, River and Joan threaten Eugene with Boss like a mother threatening a child that they'll tell their dad after he's back from work.

★After locking Charlie in her cane, Joan can sometimes hear his(or hers or theirs I don't know the game keeps switching the pronounce) quiet, faint screams. She just smirks a little at that.

★Eugene sometimes feeds stray cats.

★Linda likes to tell puns sometimes. They're cheesy, really cheesy. But Eugene can't help but giggle quietly to himself whenever he hears them while walking to or from school. He somehow finds them funny. He didn't tell anyone but Sean managed to catch on. He didn't tell Eugene he knows yet but he really appreciates Eugene finding his mom's jokes amusing.

★Eugene learned where Sean's grave lays and he'd sometimes come visit it with a flower from Linda's flower shop. Sean doesn't know it's Eugene so he thinks it's his mom. Eugene isn't planning on correcting him anytime soon.

★Eugene visits Finley and Tatum a lot. He's still not very talkative but he gladly plays with them and even takes them back to the playground from time to time.

★When there's danger (for example monsters) and Sean is talking with someone, his first instinct is to pick them up and run.

★Hayden pouts. A lot. Even for no reason.

★There's an unspoken rule in the office that there's no swearing allowed in front of Hayden or Eugene. River would sometimes almost slip up but then Boss would whack her. Eugene doesn't usually pick up on River's slip up and gets confused and startled when Boss suddenly whacks her with his fan.

★Eugene wanted to give something to River since she doesn't have anything the way Boss has his fan, ect. He tried to fall asleep while holding something but it didn't work as he planned and his spirit left his body with nothing. He never told her about it even though he tried that a couple of times.

★Hayden is the only one from the office ghosts that can't handle being outside during the day. Of course, it's tiring for all of them but he takes it the worst.

★Boss is very against anyone or himself spying on Eugene's private life but there was a situation. Eugene's been coming to the office with scars on his hands and face and he avoided answering any questions. As much as Boss was against it, he followed Eugene out of concern. Turns out Eugene was just trying to hug stray cats but they'd get mad at him and he was too embarrassed to admit to it.

★One time, Eugene saw a humanoid silhouette in the corner of his eye and thought that someone was following him. He got startled, only to realize that it was actually just his own shadow.

★Boss sometimes stands by a window, his hands behind his back, staring off into the distance as he gets lost in thought.

★River plans crimes for fun.

★Sean never learned how to swim. Just float awkwardly on his back. Even Hayden can swim better and he never swam without his floaties.

[bossalphadotpng]

Fields of Mistria's Caldarus and my farmer, Marigold!! The moment i saw Caldarus is romanceable, i dropped Hayden right away 😭

(sorry for Caldarus's ashy/muddy looking skin! I swear it looked a lot better on my tab 😔)

[secure-with-j-lockhart]

Closed for Pack Members

Jonathan’s slow walk home to the Pack House was far from quiet. His mind ran through the events of the evening. To the blood that remained on his hands, dried in patches on his skin and clothes. Thankfully, in true Chicago fashion, nobody seemed to notice—or care enough to approach him.

His talk with Hayden had involved a lot of repetition. Numbing movements of his mouth and tongue to form the same half-explanations and truth that ended up being as much value as saying ‘I don’t know’ in the end. Hayden was livid and on guard, and the pack second would expect nothing less of the head of the Institute. It was an effective declaration of war on the shifters’ part, and Jonathan considered this an extremely serious, not to mention delicate matter of negotiation from there.

He hadn’t much noted the passing of time as he’d stood there in the courtyard of the Institute, nor the stiffness of his muscles after what had, indeed, been hours in the company of the nephilim. Magnus Bane had rushed in with the two girls who had gone to fetch him in the first place, and his exit broke the effective cycle of the conversation between Jonathan and Hayden. Jace was stable, at least. Both of them had been waiting to hear that much, and the gratitude was mutual even if it went unspoken. Jonathan reaffirmed that Hayden would be welcomed, encouraged to speak to Adam. To investigate as he ought to. The logistics of that would fall on the two leaders to decide in the coming days, of course, but Jonathan’s hand in the matter had come to a close then.

At least, it began to. He was starting to leave when the Midbreeze sister came forward, catching his arm. Both of the other nephilim nearly jumped to her defense on instinct, but she held up a hand behind herself. Her focus remained on Jonathan, who posed her no true harm. Even she seemed to know that with her bold action. “Promise me you’ll protect my brother,” she began, her voice quiet. “I know he won’t let me come with him, so please… I can’t have him come back like that.” Jonathan was pained by the implication that Adam’s violence was nearly expected to repeat itself, but he could hardly blame the girl for her worry. She seemed to have a strong spirit and in that moment he felt that she was quite like Elle. Hardened exterior, defensive, but truly vulnerable when it came to the people she cared about. He nodded, placing a hand over the top of hers. “I swear I will protect him.” It was a dangerous promise given the implication of staring down his alpha once more, but he couldn’t help but feel devoted to her plight. The two of them released each other then and Jonathan left without another word.

But that weighed on him. It all did. Jace had nearly died, and all over Jessie. It confused him still, and he hoped that the answers would come in time.

He came in through the back door of the Pack House, managing to avoid any of the cubs as he went about cleaning himself up. Nobody needed to see the blood, least of all himself anymore. He’d just settled to sit on the edge of his bed when a knock at his bedroom door alerted him.

“Come in,” he called out.

[n0vatsu]

Can you describe mm! Yoake's personality please?? Before I make any content for any ocs, I wanna get to know them first to avoid any mischaracterization! :,33

Yoake

yoake’s personality has a calm type though very introverted and shy pretty similar to hayden’s personality but she can also be agressive or just stay distant to some of the members and visitors if they remind her of her past or is a threat to the mansion,

Like tsutsuji, she also wants to keep the mansion safe but only physically she doesnt care about anyone in it she just needs the place to hide.. but from who? Where? Why?

ABOUT THE MEMBERS

(basically how yoake feels about the members + @gachaclubideas’s ocs)

Trickster

“Well I definitely tell how she got her name, I’ve seen things… many things…”

Casimir

“Despite me and him not getting along sometimes we can both agree on one thing… romantic and intimate stuff is weird..”

Fun Fact: Yoake is aroace^^!

Rosemary

“Probably the only person in the family I deeply care about.. i wish i was born with her instead of where i was born..”

Heaven and Nevaeh

”I don’t get their vibe, they seem bratty, I swear I’m this close to throwing both of them out of a window. They are just lucky that there isn’t any chains or hangers here.. unlike back home..”

Hayden

“I probably relate to him the most I talk to him once in a while but one of the experimented siblings keep trying to throw me out of a window everytime I do so…”

Penelope

“at first she freaks me out.. a lot.. I’ve seen her chase y/n with a axe once.. not pretty. Though when I told her I was from a cult she started asking too many questions.. shes only just a child.. I’ll let her play her childish games.”

Fun Fact: If Yoake wasn’t the one and only light elet in the like in the canon universe, she’d be born in a cult and her mother would be the cultmaster

Chaoxiang

“I know he doesn’t have any bad intentions but he reminds me of someone… the memories… I try to avoid him as much as possible.”

Willow

“she is probably the only one here who has some sense.. I keep trying to talk to her but that one girl.. seems protective..”

Fun fact: Yoake doesn’t actually know who Tsutsuji is, she only killed her siblings and fleed when she heard someone coming

Tsutsuji

“I’m probably afraid of her the most, I feel like im constantly being watched and she always gives me that “I’m gonna kill you” glare, did I do something wrong?”

Talissa

“She doesn’t like me either… Especially since she always tries to throw me out of a window… maybe I should be more distant to Hayden just to be safe..”

Elijah

“He is a good brother to Talissa, I honestly wish I had a brother like him instead of the one I had..I feel envy for Talissa.”

Juliet

“A vampire in the mansion.. interesting… but the amount of awkwardness both me and Elijah get when he takes me to another room and says “Hiii Juliet~” Do I literally look that similar to her because of my hair? I really need to talk to her..”

Milkeshake mansion and the characters Trickster, Casimir, Rosemary, Heaven, Nevaeh, Hayden, Penelope, Chaoxiang, & Willow belong to: @boiling-potato

Elijah, Talissa, & Juliet belong to: @gachaclubideas

Tsutsuji and Yoake belong to me^^!

Apologies for the long text:,)

[gonedreaminggg]

ITS TIME ITS TIME

my unhinged laurance zvahl headcanons 🫠

- Laurance has a BUNCH of ear piercings. Candenza made him swear not to get any facial piercings, and she's one of the only people he listens to. He did get a belly button piercing to spite her tho :)

- He has a lot of nervous ticks. He used to play with his hair when it was long, but when Cadenza cut it, he started cracking his knuckles and picking at his nailbeds. When Aphmau notices him doing this, she lets him play with her hair.

- GARRANCEMAU. POLYCULE. It was kind of unspoken for a while, and then Garroth got left behind in the Irene Dimension. So, Laurance and Aph got really close. However, nothing was official so she got with Aaron. Laurance and Garroth only ever realized after he had died. Garroth understood, he knew that the polycule wasn't too serious. However, Laurance on the other hand, didn't understand that. Plus, he was dealing with the calling and whatnot. There was a rift in the relationship for a while after that.

- All of the kids in the village love Laurance. I mean, we know he was one of Malachai's biggest role models, and Laur had also grown attached to him. But, he also kinda becomes Naoki (Nekoette but less problematic) and Dmitri's babysitter. He's always been good with kids, but MY IRENE he cannot handle Naoki. Leona also likes to hang around him, as well.

- Laurance used to have a fascination with fire when he was little. (i mean the man has adhd and u know how we r with fire.) He would stare at it for hours. It was the only thing that really calmed his brain. But now, he can't stand it. He can stay near a fire for warmth of course, but he's never the one to start or feed it. He can't look at it anymore. Too many memories. The fire is literally a part of him now. His new body was forged from it. There's no need to stare into the flames. He just has to look in the mirror.

- He's still blind, somewhat. His eyesight wasn't miraculously healed. He has to wash his face in the fountain of Lady Irene every so often, or his vision will completely blur. Even then, there's still spots that never go away, mostly on the outer field of his vision. He has reading glasses, as well.

- He's very physically affectionate. He plays with Aphmau's hair. He grazes over Garroth's hands constantly, running his thumb on all the marks in his palm or his scarred knuckles. When he was younger, he would always find something to fiddle with on Cadenza's clothes.

- He would model for Cadenza a lot. Before becoming a Shadow Knight, he was very comfortable in his body and his masculinity, so playing dress up was honestly very fun.

- Laurance always has to do something with his hands, so he takes up a lot of different crafts. Tying knots, woodcarving (thank you @xerith-42 for that one lmao), making jewelry. (In my hc my OC taught him how to make jewelry, but we don't have to get into that now haha)

- Laurance has Brazilian heritage, and even though he was an orphan, there's a large Brazilian population in Meteli and he was raised around the culture. Hayden kept Laurance very informed on his roots, and in turn Cadenza got to experience all of this as well. (I wanna go into this further at some point but I want to do the proper research first.)

- Since SKs don't need as much sleep, most nights Laurance just wanders Phoenix Drop. That's why he's usually the first to know when something's wrong.

- Before Laurance became an official guard, he was sort of a... vigilante. Bringing justice in the dead of night type beat. When he was younger, in his early teens, there was a high crime rate in Meteli. So, if Laurance saw someone stealing, or trying to break in somewhere, he'd tie them up and leave them outside the guard station for the authorities to deal with them.

Alright have fun with this one crazies

[snail-eggs]

1.1 Saturday | film

synopsis: It hurts. 2,191 days later and it still hurts. Juno Connors is haunted by the death of her best friend. Haunted by the unfinished documentary Juno refuses to let die along with him. But it has proved difficult. The subject---washed-up skating legend, Ronnie Allen; her best friend’s childhood hero who suddenly went missing sometime in the early 90s---is less than cooperative. She spends months in London trying to get him to cooperate and she gets nothing for it in return. Nothing of value, nothing to make all the dollars and time spent worth it. Until she meets a young sergeant, that is. Juno meets Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick and sets herself on a course for healing through this newfound intimacy. It makes her think that, just maybe, she can finish this fucking documentary and never have to face Ronnie Allen again.

a/n: my god, there's no way it took me a year to polish this one chapter. anyway, here it is over 365 days later.

masterlist | warnings on ao3 | read on ao3 | read on wattpad | playlist | divider by @/cafekitsune

The air in Carlsbad is different. Tinged with a saltiness from the sea that Juno can taste on her lips, the breeze at the perfect speed, perfect temperature. She knocks on the rickety old trailer’s door, wishing that she had taken a fleeting moment to film this. This beach—it's gorgeous. Tucked away into its own lonesome corner with a view to die for. Given the chance, Juno’d retire off to here too. She sighs. Bites her lip.

It shouldn’t be her that’s doing this,

She’s staring out at the waves lapping at the shore, a half step off the trailer’s poor excuse for a porch, listening to the way they crash against the rocks and land. She doesn’t deserve to be here, in his place. The door swings open with a creak so loud, she swears it's about to fall off its hinges. Actually, the hinges themselves look more ready to fall off the frame than anything. Charming, she thinks. Gives the whole thing some real character—

“You lost?” —like it needs any more. 

Before her, Ralph DiMaggio stands in all his leathery, sun bleached glory. But burgeoning against his loud button up. But he looks at her softly—kindly, cutting through the rough image she had about him entirely and she can see it in his eyes, in his slight smile with a missing canine. He looks happy. Sober. Completely unlike how Fish described him in the notes he left. Juno feels half bad for expecting to find him at the bottom of a bottle, a mess. 

 “No, you’re exactly who I’m looking for.” She finally takes that full step up to the trailer, extends her hand. He takes it. “My name is Juno Connors—you met my partner, Hayden Fisher, like around a year ago.” Eyes empty, searching for something in the recesses of his mind, Juno can tell he doesn’t remember Fish. It hurts a little. “For the Ronnie Allen doc…” Now she’s searching too— reaching , hoping that he remembers. “He was, uh, a little obsessive about wanting to… to solve Ronnie’s disappearance from, well, the public and then probably never called you back?” She’s fumbling now. Feels like a fucking idiot.

And then it clicks.

“Yeah,” he moves out of the way, gestures for her to come in, “Yeah, no, I remember him, Kid was a lot.”

Juno laughs—well, breathes out a laugh more so than actually laughing. He’s right, he was a lot. Too much, even. She gets it, really, she does. No one could ever entirely stomach him quite like her. Supposes she’s just adept at tolerating the intolerable.

“Why didn’t he ever call back?”

“Thing is, he was going to but he died back in March, so.”

“I’m sorry.”

She gives a shrug that feels all sorts of wrong. “Yeah,”

Reaching into her bag, she flashes him a tight-lipped smile. Her way of saying It’s okay because she doesn’t really know how else to without making it worse, the awkwardness, or sounding like more of an idiot than she already does. Because she’s faced it now: Juno’s blowing this interview and it hasn’t even started. This isn’t her beat, isn’t what she does. No, her job was to sit there and point the camera at someone while Fish did all the heavy lifting. All the talking, But Fish is gone now and there’s still lifting to be done.

The lavalier mic is heavy in her hand, heavier than she knows it really is. She gestures vaguely with it. “I’m here now. For that interview—only if you want to, obviously.”

“Gotta be a little more assertive than that, Junie. A lot more.” He says suddenly like he’s known her forever. Her brows furrow. “Be a bitch, it's the only way you’ll get what you want from old pieces of shit like me.” Ralph eases himself into a chair that groans under his weight, points his finger at her. “That’s a fact.”

“If that’s the case, is this old piece of shit gonna give me what I want or did I drive all the way down here for you to waste my time?” Juno cocks her head to the side. If assertive is what he wants, it's assertive that he’ll get.

Ralph spreads his arms out, smiles wide—proud—missing tooth and all. “Mic me, Junie.” She can’t help it, she smiles too.

And she does—has him clip the recorder to his waistband right on the small of his back as she loops the microphone on its wire wire through the inside of his shirt shirt and settles it on the collar. The camera comes to her like second nature; the setting up of it is a process that doesn’t take all that much thought. Ralph watches her and she doesn’t give him so much as a glance. In her periphery, he’s merely a skin colored blob. She pretends it's Fish sitting there instead as she screws the camera onto the tripod as tight as it goes. It's locked. Ralph shifts around in his seat like he’s never been interviewed before. Juno suddenly realizes that it's probably been forever since the last time. Makes her feel a little better about her uselessness. 

The journal is the last piece. One she has to cross the room for—left it on Ralph’s kitchen counter before she mic’d him—her strides and the weight of her warping the vinyl flooring. It burns her hands when she grabs it. Impossible, she knows, but it burns them. With grief, with the corrosive acidity of expectations not met and even worse, expectations she’s not sure she can meet at all.

But she has to try, that’s what this is all about. She looks back at Ralph. Relaxes her shoulders.

“So, what do you know about Ronnie Allen?”

He nearly hits her twice.

Wild, drunk hands wave around mere inches from her camera. From her face. Juno is sick of looking at him. At that ugly mug of his, at the tattoos that have bled deep into every wrinkle and crevice of it. Like runny ink on shitty paper. She looks at him with loathing. Juno’s sick of London now too. She sets her camera on the bar, takes a lazy sip of her beer, and just looks at him. He’s all washed-up. Fucking pathetic now. He’s nothing. He stares back at Juno, like maybe she’s a little off, when she sets down the camera. His wild hands fall into his lap, his story stops.

The rim of the bottle is still at her lips, “Ron, that’s not what I asked you.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t ask you about the fucking glory days,” she’s heard enough about the glory days to last a lifetime, “I asked you about what happened after.”

He squeezes his eyes shut real tight, “After?” How he manages to slur just a single word so monumentally, Juno doesn’t know.

“Yeah, Ronnie, after .” It’s still not clicking. “Jesus, Ron—I asked about Merced.” The location rolls off her tongue but it's Ronnie’s face that twists into one of disgust. She can’t seem to break him. It feels like pulling teeth, trying to get him to talk about Merced.

She doesn’t want to feel this way. Not tonight.

Juno’s sick of it all. The poking, the prodding, when she knows—deep down inside, she knows —that he won’t talk. He’s a stubborn old fuck. Ronnie will keep her in the dark until she gives up because that’s exactly what he wants. He wants her to run home with her tail between her legs but she won’t. She cannot and will not let Fish’s life’s work collapse in on itself over a lousy drunk. She doesn’t care that the drunk in question was his hero once upon a time. He’s nothing to her and nothing he’ll stay if he can’t give her what she fucking needs.

It’s been six years that she’s wasted on this. What’s six more?

“You’re still chasin’ this shit,” 

“Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.” Juno doesn’t like the way her voice sounds. It’s quiet, comes from deep in her throat, all tired and flat. This isn’t her. But maybe it is now. After Fish, after all this mess, maybe this is who she is. 

Fingers twitching around the neck of her bottle, gripping it just a little too tight, Juno looks out over Ronnie’s shoulder. Out at the other patrons of the bar that are surely having a far better night than she is. And then she feels it. The burning of eyes fixated on her. Juno’s own scan the crowd again more carefully now.

“When’re you just gonna quit?” She doesn’t hear it, not really. All her attention’s focused on the other lonely soul across the bar. The bill of his cap casts a shadow over his eyes but Juno knows, without a doubt that he’s looking at her. Staring. So she stares back. Narrows her eyes a little—hoping that if she squints hard enough, she can bend all laws of reality and really see him. 

But she can’t. So she inches away from the bar, breaks his gaze for just a second to tell Ronnie plainly, and maybe even a little too loudly that “If anything happens to this camera, I’m never leaving you alone, got it?” And he shrugs. Waves it off like he does with everything else that she says. But he reaches his arm out to where Juno was sitting. Lazily slides the camera into his chest like he’s protecting it in his own half-assed way. Juno doesn’t hover.

Stands of fading blue fall into her face as she wades through the crowd that feels like its only getting denser by the second. She doesn’t bother to tuck them out of the way. Just keeps making her way through. When the crowd breaks, the air feels lighter, cooler; her lungs have room to expand. 

And, finally, she can see the eyes that gazed upon her from across the bar.

“You have a staring problem,” there’s a grin there. The most genuine one that’s graced her face in, hell, six years, probably. 

“You came all this way to tell me that?”

She shrugs, “And a couple other things.” Juno sits down right across from him. Feels kind of giddy talking to someone new, kiddy like knowing without any real proof that you’ve met someone good. Someone solid. “So, do you always look at random women like that or should I feel special?”

He, whoever he is, smirks a little. Juno can tell he’s trying to fight it but it comes through anyway. “Like what?” He's handsome. Soft behind the eyes. 

“Y’know,” she leans into the table, smile reaching her eyes now despite the subtleness of it. “Like there’s no one else here but me. Like I’m the only one worth talking to—and I am, by the way. I am so worth talking to.”

“Can’t have much of a conversation if I don’t even know your name.”

“Well, who said that?”

Words catch in his throat a little and Juno smirks. Bottom lip caught in her teeth. Just tell me your name.”

“Juno.” Said so quick she’s barely even sure he heard it.

“Like the movie?”

She gives him a look. It’s a yes and no answer—more no than yes. “Just the way it’s spelled. They named me after the place in Alaska, just wanted to feel special, I guess.”

“It suits you,” they haven’t broken each other’s gaze. Not once and Juno feels like she’s drowning in the particular shade of brown of his irises.

“I’d hope so, it’s the only name I got.” There’s more of a twang there than she’d like. She wonders if he’d be able to place it, her accent. Knows there’s no way in hell she could place his no matter how hard she tried. “What about you; what’d you get saddled with?”

“Kyle,” Juno nods. Her own silent way of telling him that she thinks his name suits him too. “Most people call me Gaz, though.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t got a clue.” He takes a sip from his glass. Juno wants to reach out and grab it. Take a sip from it too. The impulse is so strong and she’s not entirely sure why. Maybe it's one of those weird intrusive things. Or maybe, it's her desire for closeness that hasn’t been sated in years. Hell, she can’t remember the last time she hugged somebody—really hugged somebody; fingers gripping at clothes, digging into skin, a mouthful of hair. All that. The closest she’s gotten is hauling Ronnie into bed when he’s too wasted to do it himself. And sometimes she lingers. Lets him keep his grip on her wrist while he begs her for a glass of water. She supposes that she likes the warmth.

Oftentimes, she wonders what it’s like to be held. In all honesty, Juno’s forgotten it and so now she looks at Gaz, a stranger she’s shared but a handful of words with, and—more than anything—just wants a hug. Is that so much to ask for; to be held for even a fraction of a second?

She needs to go home, she thinks. Desperation’s not all that good of a look on her. 

Gaz’s eyes narrow in on her in a way she can’t quite read. The feeling of his gaze is sharper. Precise. Juno feels naked. Feels like he can read her mind. But it softens and suddenly she can breathe. He nods at her, lowers his glass. “What’s that about?”

And her brows furrow before he points at her shirt. Juno looks down. Lindsay Lohan’s mugshot is decorating her torso and she breathes out a laugh. He laughs with her.

“What, you don’t like it?” She teases.

“Never said that .”

“You could wear it if you want—actually, we might be the same size.”

“Yeah?” Juno nods when he says it, smiling so wide that her cheeks are starting to hurt. “I mean, we could test out that theory.”

The chatter from the crowd behind her is getting louder. Bar stools scrape against the ground with an ear shattering screech. Juno shrugs, smirking a little, “I’m down if you are.”

Then, a resounding crack. 

Juno and Gaz both whip their heads in the direction of the bar. Juno’s mouth gapes as she watches the bartender clutch his nose. Sees the blood on Ronnie’s fist. Her heart pounds. He can’t get can’t get caught up like this, he can’t afford it— she can’t afford it. Juno lurches from her chair, toppling it over as Gaz calls her name. She shoves and elbows her way through the crowd now surrounding Ronnie and grabs him roughly by the arm. Drags him with all her might and it doesn’t take much. He’s already long gone—the lights are on and no one’s home. So he stumbles on after her.

Juno doesn’t even get to spare Gaz a glance as she and Ronnie barrel through the door.

The mini-bar in this hotel is piss-poor, Juno thinks as she lines up the third tiny bottle of vodka on the windowsill. Really. She’s had better liquor from forgotten bottles in the back of Ronnie’s cabinets. Maybe he just has better taste than the hotel staff. Juno doesn’t really care either way. Her night’s over before it even started and she wishes she’d gone home with Gaz. He was cute, nice enough. Would’ve been a fun time, she bets, but instead she’s stuck here in her room emptying the mini-bar and wondering if this is just some ugly habit she picked up from six years and counting with Ronnie. Day in and day out. She grimaces. Takes another tiny bottle and sits on the bed.

She’s got more notes for this documentary than Fish ever had. It gives her a pang in the chest, the thought. Makes her eyes water. She breaks the seal on the bottle. The transcript for Ralph’s interview haunts her on her desktop, among others. Juno goes for her browser instead. Her fingers work quicker than her mind—she’s looking at departing flights before she knows it.

There’s a few she can catch before Ronnie wakes up in the morning and calls her asking why his knuckles are all bloody.

It isn’t the first time that she’s thought maybe she’s gotten all that she ever will out of him. Even figured out how to wrap this doc up in a pretty little bow without knowing shit about the why of it all. Ronnie Allen, ex skating legend, is a good for nothing drunk that fell into obscurity because he felt like it. There is no real reason, no meaningful moment that made him run from everything he had. He’s a good for nothing dunk that abandoned everyone he knew and seems to feel just fine about it. Sure, it’s bleak but people’d eat that shit up. She knows she would.

Fish wouldn’t, though.

He always wanted to look deeper than the other documentarians, it’s why he started this one. He’d lose his mind if he found out she ditched it before seeing it through completely.

Juno downs the fourth bottle in one go. Her throat burns.

When she wakes, there’s hair all in her mouth. The room smells overwhelmingly like Fish’s living room. Juno buries her head in the sheets and refuses to breathe.

[deerabigailhobbs]

Ok hear me out:

Adamgail siblings x inbred by Ethel Cain. Thoughts?

Oh, how I love analysing song lyrics :D

So I had listened to Inbred before this ask, and I'd actually say it's one of my favourite Ethel Cain songs, but I had sorta taken it at face value. "Oh, this is a song about an inc*stous relationship between siblings" and honestly, that's not something I'm comfortable talking about, especially with characters I see a lot of myself in. But after looking the song up online, seeing others interpretations and analysing the song myself, I think I've found an angle I'm comfortable enough discussing.

So, let me reiterate, because I think it's important. This song analysis is not about that kind of brother-sister relationship. I do not fuck with that type of shit. This is merely my interpretation of the song through the lense of the characters. Any references to love here, while dark and twisted, is strictly platonic.

Anyway, apparently in an interview, Hayden (the person behind Ethel Cain, for those unfamiliar) said that- quoting a Reddit comment here- "when she's using the word inbred, she's reffering to generational trauma. Trauma being inbred throughout the family." And I'd never seen this take before! Really opened my eyes and made me listen to the song in a completely different light.

The song is about a younger sister being dependant on her older brother. He's the only one she can fully trust. The father isn't mentioned in the song, but the mother is said to be "comatosed." I won't go through every single line of the song, but I'll do my best for parts I think are relevant to their characters. :]

Longgggg intro out of the way, now time to break down these lyrics.

"Watching him through holes in his door"

Now, I said that the father isn't explicitly mentioned on the track, but I do think this could be applied to Garrett Jacobs. Here, Abigail is watching him butcher the girls, perhaps he wants Abigail to retain some innocence, to him she's still his little girl. So he takes the victim(s) at night to his Cabin and carves them up. But Abigail is there, witnessing it all. Sort of a punishment she inflicts upon herself. She led the girls to their deaths, now she much watch the aftermath.

"Sucking on the back of his leg to stay warm"

The "him" now is referring to Adam. She's always by his side, so close that she could be "sucking on his leg" like some sort of leech, tight and unable to let go. He's the rock in her life. The only person she can feel safe around. There's also her "staying warm" and I like to think it of her as staying alive. The girls she sacrifices are simply one layer of protection, her brother being another. Perhaps she thought (especially in her younger years) that if anything were to go bad, if her father finally pointed the blade her way, Adam would come and save her. Keep her blood from spilling out and going cold.

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops

Scumbag fuck, but I swear that he's not"

Due to their father's attention being solely on Abigail, their mother's presence all but absent, Adam would resort to other methods of getting it. That being: lashing out. Getting in trouble with the police, with school, with his parents, because even when they yell and hit him (more specifically his father), they're acknowledging his existence.

I think Abigail wouldn't understand at first. Just see her brother as a troublemaker. But as the years go by, all she sees is a boy in desperate need of love. And she can try her best, to give him that, to be there for him, but a sister's love cannot replace a parent's.

"He's so good to me and to nobody else

So you should watch yourself"

Pretty self explanatory. Adam may be a nuisance to almost everyone in his life, but he has a tremendous amount of love for his little sister. Although she can't replace a parent's loving touch, he still appreciates her for the love she can provide.

And to Abigail, Adam is like her knight in shining armour. He's there to protect her. If she were ever in immediate danger, she's sure he would be there for her, ready to defend. However, I can see her believing this less and less as she grew up, knowing her brother is just as helpless as she is.

"Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed"

Their mother isn't literally comatosed, but with how absent she is in their lives, it's like she is. A person, alive, but not fully there. Unaware of what the rest of the family knows. (PSA: I do think Louise was actually a wonderful mother in canon, this is merely for the analysis)

"Something smells rotten and it's starting to spread"

A literal approach to this would be the smell of blood and decay from the victims. Another, the spread of crazy. Like Abigail said, "can you catch crazy?" Will her and Adam turn out like their father? Is it already spreading to them? Like a parasite, slowly infecting and taking over their bodies, until one day all they can see is their father staring back at them in the mirror.

"I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead

We're already dead"

Abigail is bad for luring the girls to her father. "He's worse" isn't Abigail's thoughts on Adam, if anything she'd think he's better than her in a lot of ways, but what others (their town, peers etc) perceive him as. Abigail is the sweet, quiet girl who is "close" to her father. Meanwhile, Adam is a troublemaker who's the black sheep of the family. Due to the other themes of the song, I can see them living in a very religious area that isn't tolerable of what they consider "abnormal." So their hatred of Adam could also be due to other things, such as homophobia or transphobia (as I know trans Adam is a popular headcanon).

"You can't win em all

Who knows how much longer

I'll lay on the floor

Touch me till I vomit"

I interpret this as Abigail finally meeting her father's blade, bleeding out on the kitchen floor. And all she wants is for Adam to be by her side. To hold her until she vomits up all her blood, slowly dying on the cold tiles.

"I'm not scared of God

I'm scared he was gone all along"

Another self explanatory lyric. Abigail's life has been nothing but misery, and she starts to question the validity of God herself. Or maybe wonders if he turns a blind eye to her pain and suffering.

"Who will take the fall

Who of us is stronger

You'll just want it more

If you could, you'd have fought it

But you know you're not

From the start, they knew you were wrong"

This part stumped for a bit (and still does, I'll be honest) but I thinkkkk I've got something. Who will be more like their father? Who will follow in his footsteps? Going back to what Hayden said about generational trauma, which of them has an inbred desire to kill? Who has bloodlust flowing through their veins? Both? And of so, who's strong enough to fight it off?

I think if we're going off of the lyrics, it's Adam. I mentioned this in a previous ask, but the thought of Abigail escaping her dad, going to her brother, only to find out he's helping murderers really sticks with me. He took the fall. He tried to escape, to fight off murder, and came right back to it. And now he knows he can't fight it. That he's just like their father, handy with a knife. Knowledgeable in opening people up and seeing their organs on display. The people back at home were right, he's wrong. He's worse.

Skipping the second verse because it already goes over some of what I've discussed and well... That part, but I do want to discuss one lyric.

"If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about."

I have an image in my head of Abigail, the events of Hannibal playing out after her father cut her throat, and all she can think about is her brother. He'll see her on the news, he'll be here any moment now. To protect, like he had in the past. Unbeknownst to her, Adam is currently rotting away in some bathroom, his skeleton finally starting to show underneath decaying skin.

[equallyloyalandlethal]

Can we know more about the "puppy pack motel" fic? Also, is the blind Theo au on ur AO3, or will it be at some point?

The Puppy Pack goes to the Glen Capri (ch 1 is on ao3)

Here's a snippet from ch 6 of 7

No sooner than Theo slid the truck to a stop in the lot, the passenger door swung open and his favorite McCall Pack beta vacated the vehicle with a vehemence he had not seen in a while. He turned the key, killing the engine, but made no other move to vacate his seat. The prickle of eyes on him, peeling back the layers of him and trying to dig icy picks into him, had him shaking out his shoulders and rubbing at his nape. Hypervigilance was the name of his game, and had been for a long time, but this was strange. Colder. 

Brett’s snarl as he opened his own door and threw himself out shook Theo loose from his head, jarring him back to reality. He twisted around, reaching for the spare hoodie he had tucked beneath the passenger seat and throwing it on before getting out as well. 

In far too level of a tone to be joking, Brett said, “Alec, I know you can hear me, I swear to god, if I smell anything in the car when I get back, I'm going to rip your fangs out one by one.”

More out of habit and instinct, Theo chuckled and added, loud enough for the wolf’s phone to pick it up, “I have the necessary experience to help with that if you want.” 

Hayden added something after him, but the hollow chill in his chest held too much of his focus for him to quite catch the words. 

Liam’s half-grumbled “Really? That's the one you've decided is your best friend?” should have pulled a smile onto his face. 

Maybe it was the drive. It had been a few months since he had done any driving longer than a couple of hours at a time. 

Regardless of what put him in the odd headspace, he pulled away from the group and made his way to the front desk. Checking in went smoothly. Apparently this was not the first time they have had guests from Beacon Hills and their little troop was not even the biggest group to ever stay from their quaint little hellhole.

[detectiveseapancake]

Fields of Mistria Log 1

I've been wanting to play this game ever since I saw so many of my friends get into it, and since it had its first update and was on winter sale... time to finally have some fun with it! 💜

I expect good things from this because the style looks adorable, I've seen many little pictures and people have been only giving praise about the characters and such too. Let's go, yippee!

Wow. Just. Already, I'm so happy. the interface is so cute. This is the first game I've ever played with so many pronoun options. I'm happy.

I look fucking cute what the hell. the farm is a mess and it's so cute. everything is so cute. this artstyle is so gorgeous and the whole vibe is amazing, I'm gonna cry! I love how the grass has little flowers in it and even just the sound effects of the watering can make me happy.

Greeting all of the characters already has me excited to speak more to all of them! In some games there's really only a select few that make me curious at first glance and I have trouble remembering who's who, but all of them are memorable and unique here and I want to immediately talk to almost all of them again.

I got completely lost in this game as soon as I had the time to properly focus on it and it's so cute. Genuinely can't decide who I like the most so far!

The way lil Henrietta hopped on the chair to sit next to us I'm gonna cry. Sidenote, the tutorials are all so clear and easy to understand, it's great!

AND YOU CAN PET THE FARM ANIMALS ON HAYDEN'S FARM TOO AAAA!!

This fucking guy I swear. When I first saw him say that I laughed my ass off. Also right now we're going with Scaramouche but I'm absolutely thrilled to see you can just change your pronouns and name whenever the fuck you want. March is hilarious to me because I want to immediately punch him in the face but he obviously likes you even if he acts like an absolute dick. Peak.

Working on the town projects is genuinely a lot of fun so far! I love Eiland and Adeline and I think the pacing of this game is really great. I genuinely love how everything is balanced so far, exploration, building and time-wise - Friday Night at the Inn is always super cute and fun and I love the Saturday Market. I've also been laughing my ass off whenever I talk to Juniper, Dozy is THE CUTEST!!!! and I just adore that you can have a daily bowl of soup at the inn. That's the kind of thing that's super useful when you start out and stays cosy comfy even as you grow and don't need it that much anymore.

OMG YAY YIPPEE! STINGRAY!

This is another thing I really like! All of the plants and flowers and forageables are really lovely? The icons are so cute and I just love all of the stuff you can grab. Like yes, I want to fish up stingrays, pick dandelions and tulips, dive for sea grapes and sea lettuce, and catch A FUCKING TRANS COLOURED FLOWER CROWN BEETLE!

They make the most basic little things so sweet and then come up with such unique lil critters and items too! And oooh, I cant wait to be able to cook more.

Strawberry shortcake from the siblings!! 💜💜💜

What a view! The whole town clean-up scene was honestly so sweet. Everyone coming together was so cute, and this felt so rewarding! Now I can pick lemons and enjoy the view. What a treat!

Spring is already over. I got a little black calf and am saving towards a coop now! Once my farm actually looks like something I'll show pictures lol. Either way, I'm loving this game so far! I can tell I'm going to pour tons of hours into this for real.

It's absolutely incredible that this is only in early access and there is so much more to come. I can't remember the last time I bought a game in EA and had so much fun with it, wow! I heard there's limitations on heart events and that they're planning to add much more to the game before its full release, but this already feels very "full" I dare say.

I think the last time I was this excited about a farming sim was back when stardew valley was released, and I played that since the day it was out. SDV will always have a special place in my heart (I say with almost 800 play hours) and I'll play it forever, but this feels like it might even surpass that for me. I'm super stoked!

[forcemeanakin]

To everyone who has sent something to my inbox:

First of all, thank you for filling my inbox with such amazing ideas! I'm seeing a lot of dilf!Hayden content and I LOVE THAT. FUCK YEAH.

vsangel!reader did that, omg. How great is she, huh?

I also see a lot of requests asking for extensions of this character and yes! I'm super open to continue that saga!

Which leads me to the second point: I'm not ignoring y'all, I swear 😭 I'm just focusing on another piece and I know myself. until I finish it, I cannot start something else or I'll abandon it forever.

So I'm just asking for a bit of patience and understanding. Pls don't let my lack of response prevent you from hitting me with another request or idea. Even if it's just a simple: "PART TWO" lol. Because it helps me stay motivated :)

Have a nice one, everyone! I'll go through your asks as soon as I can <3

[toasttt11]

i also feel like blake usses the opportunity not to talk about the current season

but instead comparing her dads career to her own

and theres a lot of flashbacks through her episodes walking through her family childhood/current home showing pictures reminicing on it

and maybe a clip of her scoring a goal but her dad scored one similar and it just goes back and forth

(im sorry im drinking wine)

exactly. i swear you are reading my thoughts.

she honestly just wants to continue her father’s legacy and plays hockey for her mother who never got to complete her career. so she doesn’t talk much about her personal career but she talks about her parents and their careers

they definitely film a lot at her home and she has so much of her parents there

they also film a lot at the rink as there is a lot of harrison there and she has to walk by her fathers picture every time she gets on the ice and his name and number are handing from the raptors

and yes the clips of hayden and harrison of them scoring goals and cellys are incredibly similar and very bittersweet, the only real difference you can see between the two is her hair that’s on her back